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Junk

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Dec 2002 · Edited 28 Sep 2003 · 6 comments

Gotta hurry to the deal Gotta make it to the score Gotta move on to the pinch What the hell is all this for? Gotta grab all that you can Gotta stack it on the pile Gotta watch your every move And live in fear all the while. Gotta stick right to the plan Gotta watch out for the man Gotta try hard not to feel Any love that might be real. Gotta fight for what is right Gotta give it all your might Gotta learn how to defend All your junk until the end.

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mean 2.33 weighted 4.68 rank 12097 views 274 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

6 comments

[8] Ranger 20-Dec-02/1:48 PM Reply

Quite good-possibly better as a lyric?

[8] Bill Z Bub 20-Dec-02/5:11 PM Reply

don't let the man get his hands on your junk.
gotta love this piece, 'cuz you've got the funk

[5] nentwined 22-Sep-03/6:28 PM Reply

"and live in fear all the while" has stresses in the wrong places. "gotta learn to defend" is missing a syllable. and same with "all your junk 'til the end"--but that you can just make "until" and it's good to go. (btw, till is used in "to till a field"), the one you're wanting is the shortened form of "until". the apostrophe replaces the "un", and there's no need to add an l.

beyond that... nice, simple poem; with rhythm tweaks, I think this would be solid, and in any case is good to get out of the system. :)

[8] Shardik 22-Sep-03/6:33 PM Reply

A lovely consideration.

[n/a] Caducus 29-Sep-03/9:13 AM Reply

lyric ? it could be if you get a chorus.

[0] devilishnutcase 6-Jan-04/11:19 PM Reply

You lack balls ,but I must add fuck would be a better option for you.