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Behind the veil (Free verse) by INTRANSIT
She came to me with fiery hair and smelled of Innisfree. Lo, had the blankest of cold stares from where her heart should be. Yes, 'tis true, I'd taken her heart and left her breast with none. When time came, we'd rudely part... she went back to Irelands' son.

Down the ladder: For W.

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Weighted score: 5.4994626
Overall Rank: 2734
Posted: September 30, 2003 8:22 PM PDT; Last modified: September 30, 2003 8:22 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 | 1-Oct-03/1:12 AM | Reply
add another 4 lines with the same rhyme as the first 2 , end it with 2 non rhyme lines and you have thee a sonnet !

As a poem - deluxe - the last line kind of crackles not explodes apart from that a dine squirt of ink 8
[8] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 | 1-Oct-03/1:12 AM | Reply
fine squirt of ink even
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 6-Oct-03/7:50 AM | Reply
"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares"

huh?

lo--how are you using this?
it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!'

also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's
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