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Behind the veil (Free verse) by INTRANSIT She came to me with fiery hair
and smelled of Innisfree.
Lo, had the blankest of cold stares
from where her heart should be.
Yes, 'tis true, I'd taken her heart
and left her breast with none.
When time came, we'd rudely part...
she went back to Irelands' son.
Up the ladder:
Last attempt at "My Father's Dreams"
Down the ladder:
For W.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Posted: September 30, 2003 8:22 PM PDT; Last modified: September 30, 2003 8:22 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.4994626 Overall Rank: 2734 Comments:
fine squirt of ink even
"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares"
huh? lo--how are you using this? it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!' also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's 244 view(s)
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As a poem - deluxe - the last line kind of crackles not explodes apart from that a dine squirt of ink 8