poemranker ::Behind the veil by INTRANSIT

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Free verse № 67623

Behind the veil

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 30 Sep 2003 · 3 comments

She came to me with fiery hair and smelled of Innisfree. Lo, had the blankest of cold stares from where her heart should be. Yes, 'tis true, I'd taken her heart and left her breast with none. When time came, we'd rudely part... she went back to Irelands' son.

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mean 6.86 weighted 5.50 rank 2733 views 244 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

3 comments

[8] Caducus 1-Oct-03/1:12 AM Reply
add another 4 lines with the same rhyme as the first 2 , end it with 2 non rhyme lines and you have thee a sonnet !

As a poem - deluxe - the last line kind of crackles not explodes apart from that a dine squirt of ink 8
[8] Caducus 1-Oct-03/1:12 AM Reply
fine squirt of ink even
[n/a] <~> 6-Oct-03/7:50 AM Reply
"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares"

huh?

lo--how are you using this?
it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!'

also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's