poemranker ::War Grave by Caducus

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Free verse № 67358

War Grave

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 29 Sep 2003 · Edited 29 Sep 2003 · 9 comments

The anonymous lay in perfect alignment. Mourned by a lamenting wind That took their breath, First and last. The graves have no epitaph, And white crosses leave long shadows. Folded flags rest upon empty tombs No bones, no soul. When the 21 wisps of smoke dissipated, So did their remembrance. Like faded names in concrete guild Carved in history for us to forget. Some place far from here, Faces stare through soil At a conjured image of a face they know, So that they can care.

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mean 7.14 weighted 6.57 rank 629 views 403 View voting details →

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9 comments

[6] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 29-Sep-03/6:07 AM Reply
You must have lots of painful memories about the war.
[n/a] Caducus › ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 29-Sep-03/9:10 AM Reply
I watched 'The Thin Red Line' yesterday have u seen it? In Coventry we have a memorial park where you can buy hash or weed. Skaters love the steps and someone has spray painted goal posts so they can play soccer.

It's a fucked up world and that side of humanity disgusts me to the soul.
[6] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? › Caducus 29-Sep-03/3:17 PM Reply
I havn't seen that film, but the graveyard at the end of "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" is really excellent.
[7] hipster flare 29-Sep-03/7:33 AM Reply
end punctuation is a bit disruptive, they should read like sentences, and a "." makes the reader stop, which chops up your poem. same for ","... hope the feedback helps.
also-3rd stanza a bit awkward in 3rd and 4th line.
[n/a] Caducus › hipster flare 29-Sep-03/9:03 AM Reply
The feedback was useful - thanks. Stza 3, L3-4 now completely different as are lines 8/9.

Flow interruption blues now cured :-)
[7] hipster flare › Caducus 29-Sep-03/9:22 AM Reply
Absolutely. nicely done.
[7] J.B. Manning 29-Sep-03/11:15 AM Reply
I like it.
[9] http://mulberryfairy 29-Sep-03/11:31 AM Reply
I like your last 2 lines, especially. Nice job.
[10] INTRANSIT 29-Sep-03/3:43 PM Reply
How many years have we been on this planet? And we've still learned nothing. still doing the same ol' same ol'. What's taking Jesu so damned long? Held up in a fast food line no doubt. Maybe just... held up?