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Rare Oul' Times in the County Wicklow (Free verse) by Edna Sweetlove
We all piled out of the pub Pissed as a load of newts; 'Where to now boys?' Bellowed naughty Niall O'Neill (that's notorious nineteen pints a night Niall) As he tottered over to his Pa's Rolls Royce. 'Do ye think ye should be driving With that record-breakin' skinful I just seen you put away?' Enquired serious Sean slurringly From his slightly inconvenient Viewpoint in the beery gutter. So we all clambered gaily into the car And roared off into the enchanted night And then this bloody stupid clodhopper Who didn't even have his driving licence yet Came round the next corner in his Ford And got sent to Kingdom-sodding-Come. 'Oh shit, would ye just look at the mess The oul' fella's made of me Daddy's car, And it's his pride and joy so it is!' Cried Niall O'Neill in incandescent rage, As he surveyed the largest insurance claim In the County Wicklow for twenty years. How fortunate Father Tucker and Garda Sergeant O'Toole Could both testify from their vantage point In the front seat of the devastated Roller, The accident was not Niall's fault at all, at all, As the other stupid sober bugger was on The wrong side of the goddam street.

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 7.642391
Overall Rank: 5
Posted: October 29, 2006 4:21 AM PST; Last modified: October 31, 2006 4:28 PM PST
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Engelbert Humpalot

[9] ALChemy @ | 29-Oct-06/6:01 AM | Reply
Actually it's England that's on the wrong side of the street. We had cars first. Anything to prove your not our 51st state.
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > ALChemy | 29-Oct-06/5:01 PM | Reply
You appear to be fucking demented. I don't know which peasanty part of the world you dwell in. I assume the US of Shite; please do me a favour (note the spelling, dumbass) and don't read any more of my intellectual pieces. Also note that "your" is different from "you're". Jesus, where were you colonials educated? Go and watch Fox News and support your murderous troops as they slaughter Iraqi babies and cheer as they come home piecemeal in bags.
[n/a] Ranger @ > Edna Sweetlove | 30-Oct-06/2:33 AM | Reply
You are the only thing in the world that makes me wish I wasn't English. Anything to avoid being associated with you. "O 'Neill"? What the fuck? Where in the world is there a name like that? "O'X" means "of X". Would you ever say "Three O 'Clock"? What is a 'clock? Are you releasing all your pent-up testosterone that can't be unleashed under the stern eyes of those All Poetry moderators, or do you genuinely think you're hilarious? Either way, every comment you've ever made has now been reduced to utter buncombe. -bow'ls-
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > Ranger | 31-Oct-06/4:28 PM | Reply
Your grammar is not good. Have you heard of the subjunctive? What's wrong with O'Neill? Moron.
[n/a] Ranger @ > Edna Sweetlove | 1-Nov-06/1:35 AM | Reply
That's some nice editing!

My grammar is lovely. When she was younger she could sing all twenty-three verses of 'Hooplah, Hooplah, Where's My Fucking Hooplah?' while making Sunday roast for an entire workhouse's population of orphans. Of course, in those days the rationing system didn't extend to orphans, miscreants, tramps or other undesirables so they had to roast an orphan every week. Occasionally they'd get lucky and a German pilot would come crashing down, screaming and burning in the wreckage. Those Germans are so full of chocolate and bratwurst they can feed an entire plantation's worth of GCSE-mentality controversial poets, can't they? With ketchup!!!!!!!11 LOL!!!!!!11111oneoneoneoneonehundredandone!!!

She never got her Hooplah.
[9] ALChemy @ > Edna Sweetlove | 31-Oct-06/5:09 AM | Reply
You seem to be so upset over a little neglection of spelling. Nah, I just got to you that's all. It was so easy too.
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > ALChemy | 31-Oct-06/4:31 PM | Reply
You may be intelligent, Al, you just hide it so well. We could have so much in common. Maybe not!
[n/a] wilco @ > Edna Sweetlove | 2-Nov-06/6:22 PM | Reply
I suppose we should sit around drinking tea and not brushing our teeth and just let any old ass-hat dictator do whatever he wants.

Tell you what: Next time someone invades your pussy little country, we'll just let them enslave you and rape your people and have a jolly-good time. And it's going to happen sooner or later.
[10] Engelbert Humpalot @ > wilco | 3-Nov-06/5:02 AM | Reply
This comment seems to have been posted in the wrong poem. I can see no references to teeth at all in this nice poem. Maybe you were pissed at the time, Wilco me old fart.
[n/a] Ranger @ > Engelbert Humpalot | 3-Nov-06/9:42 AM | Reply
Maybe 'eating cucumber sandwiches' would have been a more apt stereotype.
[n/a] wilco @ > Engelbert Humpalot | 3-Nov-06/1:17 PM | Reply
[n/a] Ranger @ > wilco | 3-Nov-06/9:41 AM | Reply
I doubt it. Why would anyone want to invade this country? Even Hitler didn't want it. The only way we'll be invaded is through mass immigration - which, okay, is happening now - but I don't think is quite what you mean. In any case, the only group who seems to have any interest in actually taking over this place is the Muslim sect - and Jack Straw knows what happens when you get a large number of Muslims in your constituency.

You never know, the BNP might one day throw up a leader with enough credibility to make it. That'll be interesting.
[n/a] wilco @ > Ranger | 3-Nov-06/1:22 PM | Reply
We'll see. Really and truly it was a swipe at the ignorant fuck above talking about "murderous troops". I get so tired of people lambasting the American troops for being over there. If you don't like Bush and the war, fine (I don't either), but don't talk shit about those kids who are dying for you.
[n/a] Ranger @ > wilco | 4-Nov-06/8:43 AM | Reply
Edna only posts the racist remarks as bait - the way Dark Angel used to, but without the style, wit, humour and intellect. Hence why you guys are the barbarians and the Iraqis are all adorable, childlike rogues.
[n/a] wilco @ > Ranger | 4-Nov-06/9:10 AM | Reply
I kind of figured. That's why I didn't continue arguing my point. At least with -=Dark_Angel=- it was amusing.
[n/a] Dovina @ > wilco | 4-Nov-06/11:30 AM | Reply
Where is that old cuss? We used to have such sweet walks in the glimmers of moonlight, reflected in ripples on the pools of dog piss. From Edna, all I see is dog piss.
[0] half.italian @ | 31-Oct-06/4:16 AM | Reply
I had a comment to make, but seeing as the author is a total fuck, I'll keep it to myself. Edna=0 Just because. :)
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > half.italian | 31-Oct-06/4:30 PM | Reply
Yes, keep it to yourself. I like Italy. I like Italians. Half castes? That's a different bucket of ravioli.
[10] Engelbert Humpalot @ | 3-Nov-06/5:04 AM | Reply
Right on, Edna. I get pissed off with all these namby-pambies rabbiting on about drinking and driving. Most accidents are caused by unlicensed yobs (often Afros) who can't drive and who have no insurance (mainly becaused the car has been stolen).
[10] conny lingers @ | 2-Feb-21/8:39 AM | Reply
Driving in Ireland is fun, especially if you have only one hand, like my wife Conny.
[10] rabbi sammy schtupp @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 9-Feb-21/9:23 AM | Reply
Fucking paddies....
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