SNOGGO's Adolescent Adventure in Sidmouth (Free verse) by Edna Sweetlove
SNOGGO's Exciting Adolescent Adventure
A new tale about the super-hero SNOGGO
and a very erotic one with lotsa laughs 4 U
Long before SNOGGO became world famous, he was of course just an
ordinary kind of adolescent (well not that ordinary, of course, because
he was still SNOGGO and he had heroic tendencies). So let's go back to
SNOGGO woke up and clambered out of bed. He admired himself in the
mirror. "God, but I am fabulous," he said, admiring himself in the
mirror. He was nude and he looked a treat. It was the Long Vacation in
his first year at Oxford and SNOGGO was short of money. His father, Mr
SNOGGO Senior, was mean, as tight as a duck's arse (which, as we all
know, is watertight) and SNOGGO had almost used up his allowance. SNOGGO
would need to take a holiday job!
During breakfast, the soon-to-be-wonderfully famous young SNOGGO looked
at the small ads in the local newspaper: situations vacant. His trained
eye zoomed down the page, ignoring the menial jobs which no one of his
breeding and nascent glamour would dream of taking even if he were
starving in the gutter. And then he saw a really intriguing job on
WORLD FAMOUS FILM STAR requires young handsome male
for intimate work. Must be discreet and willing to
get your hands dirty. Apply Mrs. Smith c/o Belmont Hotel.
"Wow! That sounds good!" exclaimed the beautiful young, strapping SNOGGO.
And how convenient it was that the Belmont Hotel (the best hotel in
Sidmouth, which is the seaside town where the SNOGGO family lived) was
just up the road! So SNOGGO got dressed in his finest sportwear (
including the tight jeans which emphasised the sublime shape of his
glorious butt, and which meant his genitals were presented protrudingly).
He phoned the hotel to check if Mrs Smith were there.
"Belmont Hotel," the receptionist intoned.
"Do you have a Mrs Smith staying with you at the moment?"
And the receptionist laughed gaily, "We have six Mr and Mrs Smiths
staying at the moment! Which one did you want? We have Mr and Mrs John
Smith, Mr and Mrs John Smith, Mr and Mrs John Smith, Mr and Mrs John
Smith and also a Mr and Mrs John Smith. Or there's Mr and Mrs James
Smith, which is a bit unusual I suppose."
"Oh dear, do you have a Mrs Smith staying by herself by any chance?"
"By herself? Let me look.............Mmmm! Yes we do! Wow! That's cool!
We have a Mrs Marilyn Smith from Los Angeles staying! She's in the Royal
Suite, shall I put you through?"
"No, no, is she in at the moment? I want to come and see her." answered
the youthful and excited SNOGGO. And when he found that Mrs Smith was
indeed in, off he went to the Belmont to see her. He looked at himself
admiringly in the shop windows as he walked briskly along the street. He
was gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous!
The receptionist at the Belmont gasped in admiration when SNOGGO
presented himself at the hotel desk and asked to see Mrs Marilyn Smith.
She phoned up Mrs Smith's suite and said there was a young man, a Mr
SNOGGO, to see her. SNOGGO was told to go up immediately when Mrs Smith
found out he had come in answer to her advertisement.
He knocked on the bedroom door and was admitted by a slightly plump (but
still shapely) old lady, dressed in black, with a large black hat and a
"Hi there, Mr SNOGGO!" said the old lady in a surprisingly young-
sounding voice which SNOGGO felt he had heard somewhere before, "Come
right in and sit yourself down real comfy there!" She patted a sofa and
sat down next to him. "You wanna Martini, baby?"
"Just call me SNOGGO," said SNOGGO, "And I'll have a gin and tonic for
"And you must call me Marilyn," said Mrs Smith archly, in her charming
American accent from behind her veil, as she poured SNOGGO his drink.
SNOGGO could see she was admiring the lump in his trousers out of the
corner of her eye as she did so. He noticed she had big firm tits for an
And Marilyn then explained the job she had in mind. First, she explained
that she was in disguise and that Smith was not her real name. Once
SNOGGO had accepted the job, she would reveal her true identity, but she
had to have utter discretion. No one must know she was in Sidmouth
except her trusted employee! The problem, Mrs Smith explained, was that
she had three huge boils on her back, just out of range of her fingers.
These boils needed squeezing and draining of pus twice a week; they then
needed to be dabbed with Dettol and a Band-Aid applied carefully to each.
Once SNOGGO had assured her of his discretion and also explained that
he had scored 100% in his First-Aid Proficiency Exam at school, the job
was his! And Mrs Smith would pay him Â£20 a visit (which was a lot of
money in those days).
So SNOGGO and Mrs Smith shook hands on the deal and she led SNOGGO by
the hand into the bedroom where she removed her hat and veil and her old
woman's wig, revealing a shock of blonde hair. She threw off her old
black dressing gown and stood naked, revealed as none other than M*ril*n
M*nr*e, the famous Hollywood film star! And she had very big tits. Even
bigger and firmer than SNOGGO had thought!
"My God, you're M*ril*n M*nr*e!" gasped SNOGGO, his eyes glorying in the
sight of her fabulous body, "I thought I recognised your accent!"
She told SNOGGO to strip down to his shorts as she didn't want to risk
any of her boils bursting and staining his lovely clothes and she went
and lay down (face in the pillow) on the huge double bed, exposing her
perfect rump to SNOGGO's enraptured gaze. He then noticed the three Band-
Aids in the small of her back.
"Do my boils, baby," murmured M*ril*n seductively, "They're goddam
bursting and are hurtin' like Hell!" she added, pointing to the
aluminium kidney dish, the cotton wool buds, the bottle of Dettol and
the teaspoon on the bedside table.
SNOGGO straddled M*ril*n and carefully removed the three Band-Aids,
exposing the huge boils underneath. He carefully squeezed the two
largest, extracting at least a teaspoonful of pus from each and then
disinfected them and put on new bandages.
"The third one isn't ready to be burst yet, it still has a scab on it,"
he murmured into her ear.
"Pick the scab off," ordered M*ril*n, "And if you think it's not ready
to go yet, just put some disinfectant on it and you can do it in a
coupla days' time!" Which is what SNOGGO did.
M*rily*n M*nr*e rolled over on her back after SNOGGO had finished
treating her and he ogled her glorious beauty.
"OK, baby, let's ball now!"
"Ball? You want to play football?"
"Oh you cute litte Britisher! No, babe, when Ah say ball Ah mean fuck!"
"Wow! You want me to fuck you? That's fantastic!" said the astonished
SNOGGO, struggling to get his gorgeous dick out of his, by this stage,
And so SNOGGO lost his virginity to the famous M*ril*n M*nr*e in the
Royal Suite at the Belmont Hotel. Naturally, he did not tell M*ril*n
that he was a virgin at the time and such was his innate skill at the
act of love, that she (in spite of her colourful sexual history and in
spite of her rampant nature) never knew she had taken his cherry. And
what is more, he got paid Â£20 into the bargain!
For the next few weeks, the pattern remained the same: SNOGGO would go
to the Belmont, he would go up to Mrs Smith's room, she would disrobe
and lie face down on the bed, he would squeeze and cleanse her weeping
boils and then they would shag the living daylights out of each other.
"Gee, SNOGGO, you sure are a wonderful lover for such a young guy, I
sure love to feel your tight firm butts as you pound into me! You sure
fuck better than either Frank or Jack or that baseball player whose
goddam name I can't rightly recall!"
"Who's Jack?" queried SNOGGO.
"Jack? Why John F K*nn*dy, bless your little British buns!"
But all good things have to come to an end, and M*ril*n's stay in
Sidmouth came to an end. SNOGGO went to the hotel one day and found
that Mrs Smith had checked out. He was stunned - she had given no
indication that she was leaving.
"Did she leave no message for me?" asked the dazed SNOGGO of the
receptionist. And the receptionist looked in her drawers and found a
small envelope addressed in M*rily*n's own unmistakeable semi-illiterate
hand: "To SNOGGO".
The tearful (and sexually frustrated) SNOGGO tore the envelope open as
soon as he was outside the hotel. Inside was a Â£20 note and three of M*
ril*n's boil scabs. From that moment on SNOGGO knew never to trust
another woman with his gentle heart.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.857143
Posted: December 10, 2006 11:09 AM PST; Last modified: December 10, 2006 11:09 AM PST
Weighted score: 7.088739
Overall Rank: 19
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