Re: a comment on Late Song by nypoet22	18-Feb-11/4:12 PM
you're right, pine is very old-fashioned which makes it sound awkward in that usage. i like it though, so i'm taking it back. good criticism, i'll have to think on what to do with that last want, and a number of other similar repetitions, to stop the song from droning on too long.
Re: Wish I was there... by amanda_dcosta	13-Feb-11/12:33 AM
this belongs on a hallmark card. it feels like you could use some minor tweaking in the language, but for what it is, i think it's pretty good.
Re: Best friends by amanda_dcosta	13-Feb-11/12:27 AM
i have technical issues with this, but i can't even bring myself to voice them. it's just really sweet.
Re: Jerusalem the Golden by rabbi sammy schtupp	12-Feb-11/11:43 PM
is this intended to be ironic? it's not a bad piece, but i think you may have been trying for a clearer and more biting message.
Re: wishlist by versus_u	12-Feb-11/11:40 PM
squeeze what back in?
Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly	12-Feb-11/11:39 PM
i wonder how many people miss the point of this. conversational tone, stripped to the bone. in its own way, this works.
Re: Beslan by Ranger	12-Feb-11/11:35 PM
absolutely beautiful, wish i had been around when you posted it. love the interplay between musical and religious themes and the horror of the real life event.
Re: Freedom by amanda_dcosta	12-Feb-11/11:27 PM
i like a lot of this, but there are a few blips that i think don't work. "held tight in grip" is clunky, you can word it a bit better. "despair" sounds cliche. disrepair? roadside flare? dining room chair? almost anything would be better there than despair. a good effort though, at a difficult form.
Re: (untitled) by A. Nomaly	12-Feb-11/11:19 PM
the tone and voice are polished. i like this even better than the other one. i may be mistaken but i think you meant either latched or leashed rather than lashed. otherwise top notch.
Re: That man looks so familiar by A. Nomaly	12-Feb-11/11:12 PM
very sensory, i like it. first line is a bit incongruent with the rest, and so is the middle line. what effect were you going for?
Re: My Brain by T. Jonathron Remp	12-Feb-11/11:06 PM
interesting! if you start with circus of circuits and remove "of slime. everlasting," it'd be a damnfine haiku.
Re: Thanks by Dan garcia-Black	12-Feb-11/11:01 PM
heh, brown noser.
Re: Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco	12-Feb-11/10:32 PM
a lot of religious images here. is there something more personal to your own experience that would add meaning?
Re: Mornings by alvinb	12-Feb-11/10:27 PM
there's a bit of ambivalence about the topic. if this is not about suicide, it may be more interesting than it initially appears.
Re: tree in a flood by Skamper	12-Feb-11/10:22 PM
it's got a good skeleton but it's a bit flabby. one verb is worth ten adjectives and adverbs. this is how i read it: "i feel your caresses, blown, sending tingles with rivulets. i awake, intensify, bend, stretch, accommodate. i am peaking, fulfilled. you're rushing. i am satisfied, saturated. your hunger magnifies, breaking pieces, caresses and kisses, lashings and torrents. you are raging, i am subdued, swayings and rustlings, thrashings, anchored. i give. i am.
Re: a comment on Late Song by nypoet22	12-Feb-11/10:04 PM
It's a Lyric; different forms have different requirements for such things. I'd be happy to accept criticism that's constructive, but that wasn't. Doctor, heal thyself! ;)
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	16-Sep-10/1:09 AM
sincere, if imprecise.
Re: Poemranker is Back! by Dovina	16-Sep-10/1:08 AM
simple, elegant, i like it! ;)
Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	16-Sep-10/1:07 AM
i like the form, and the last line. the rest, however, needs work in my view. the adjectives are standard.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	16-Sep-10/1:04 AM
i like the overall sentiment. this feels like it hasn't been edited yet. write it however you like, but i would write it: I am cursed. I give yet receive nothing. I gave everything. Now I'm stuck, sitting on the dead orchid petals you keep watering for the illusion of life. I desire freedom. give me back my body.