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Freedom (Villanelle) by amanda_dcosta
I love to be free again Arise with the vibrant dawn Away with these heavy chains Into the tempestuous sky Escaping where wild geese fly I love to be free again. My wings cannot be clipped Nor my spirit held tight in grip, Away with these heavy chains Unlock the door of my cell Hear the resounding toll of the bell I love to be free again. Breathe in the sweet, fresh air No more suffocation or stale despair. Away with these heavy chains To roam without a care Build nest or soar away. I love to be free again Away with these heavy chains.

Up the ladder: Beauty Sleep
Down the ladder: Blue Gravity

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8617
Posted: November 26, 2010 11:07 AM PST; Last modified: November 26, 2010 11:07 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] nypoet22 @ 65.34.245.31 | 12-Feb-11/11:27 PM | Reply
i like a lot of this, but there are a few blips that i think don't work. "held tight in grip" is clunky, you can word it a bit better. "despair" sounds cliche. disrepair? roadside flare? dining room chair? almost anything would be better there than despair. a good effort though, at a difficult form.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 82.178.135.230 > nypoet22 | 13-Feb-11/12:04 AM | Reply
Thank you for your vote and critique. Much appreciated. :)

The phrases / words that you chose to mention were written specifically for each line. Each verse follows the imagery of 'being free' from some sort of bondage or clutch.

In the first verse it is - 'free from heavy chains',
2nd verse - to escape
3rd verse - spirit held tight in grip (can be interpreted in many ways)indicating a need to be free
4th verse - unlock door of cell / bell's ring of freedom
5th verse - breathe in freedom; free from suffocation of emotional or depressive struggles
6th verse - 'to roam' signifying being free

Every verse reflects the title and theme of the poem and hence these specific words were chosen. However, I will give it a second thought to what could be better than despair, although I do not find your suggestions fitting in with the theme. All the same, will think it over. Thanks for the review. :)
[3] Y2kSlamPoet @ 67.188.94.175 | 5-Jul-11/2:52 PM | Reply
Try Harder.
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