on IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar
16 Sep 2010, 12:57 AM
i don't mind the language - clever enough - but the emotional content i find a bit dry. maybe that's the whole point, but i'm not really feeling it.
on Prospects by http://mulberryfairy
16 Sep 2010, 12:54 AM
very personal free-verse. in general i liked it. the third segment seems kind-of unnecessary, at least as its own distinct unit. if not, i would reverse the order of II and III. the end of III and beginning of II have an obvious connection, and "why are you here?" is a much better ending place.
on sculpture by ThePariahDog
7 Mar 2010, 6:54 PM
neat!
on Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT
7 Nov 2007, 5:06 PM
great crack about the ethics homework. are you sure you want to keep the prose-poem format though? it makes much of this piece difficult to parse.
on Behind closed offices by lukehanney
7 Nov 2007, 5:02 PM
unashamedly light fare. it's a hallmark moment.
on Stroke It! by Skamper
7 Nov 2007, 5:00 PM
extra points for shameless name-dropping ;)
replying on back o' the fridge by nypoet22
19 Oct 2007, 6:10 PM
but... but... i'm allergic to cheese. how about meatloaf?
replying on back o' the fridge by nypoet22
15 Oct 2007, 3:58 PM
hmm, you want a name for the mold-infested mystery organism that you thought was dead, but which hides in the shadows and stinks up the whole kitchen? for lack of a better analogy, i'll name it "richard cheney."
I'm guessing this is a WWII poem, but that's just a guess. This feels like an incomplete story. As such, it's okay to force your readers to infer some things, but I would like some more sensory detail to give a better clue as to the identities of the participants.
on Consider the Grass by Dovina
30 Jun 2007, 12:24 AM
there's only so much excitement you can inject into a poem about grass growing, but i applaud the effort. adding the "I" in the last stanza seems not to fit very well.
on light [edited] by lmp
30 Jun 2007, 12:15 AM
i'd like to see something juxtaposing the skin of the grapefruit with the skin of the lover. the conceit seems to want it.
on A See-Through Prayer by PsydewaysTears
30 Jun 2007, 12:10 AM
this reads like a Gaelic folk song. Now for the music...
replying on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
28 Jun 2007, 12:56 AM
Give the kid time. It's six years from twelve to eighteen, and in the past two schoolyears i've met some pretty exceptional seventh graders...
replying on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
28 Jun 2007, 12:52 AM
Good point. Not that there's all that much doubt, but maybe at the end the activist within the poet tips his hand a bit too much. What would you think if the ending were:
Alex huffs, "He is not my
Leader anymore."
Alex huffs, "He is not my
Leader anymore."
replying on Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew
28 May 2007, 7:56 AM
poor word choice by me. i meant it was cliche and the rest of the poem would be better off without it.
on The boomerang holiday by INTRANSIT
28 May 2007, 7:53 AM
as if were?
erstwhile kelp?
some of these choices of phrase need rethinking.
erstwhile kelp?
some of these choices of phrase need rethinking.
on The Wingman by John Rambo
28 May 2007, 7:50 AM
does this contain a note of regret?
on Altitude by half.italian
28 May 2007, 7:49 AM
the last stanza should be split into two lines. i like the ending, but for it to have the impact i think you want, you have to introduce the coil image earlier. 'intricate architecture' could be improved upon to tie the beginning and end together.