poemranker ::Altitude by half.italian

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Free verse № 151423

Altitude

by half.italian

Member since 2006 · Posted 12 Apr 2007 · Edited 5 May 2007 · 6 comments

With thoughts like helium whispers my mind billows out Reconfigured for weaving connections into intricate architechture. They build and join, scatter and duplicate until collapse Leaving bare copper on an unwinding coil.

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mean 4.80 weighted 4.98 rank 8337 views 304 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[7] Prince of Void 1-May-07/1:59 PM Reply
Poems are made by us
One of us shall see
What we paint
Upon the blank page
That depicts what shall be unseen
In the heart of meanings
When the heart is pathless
When no poem shall go uncommented
Where poems and oceans cross each other
In the horizon of poets' dreams

[7] pete 7-May-07/3:56 PM Reply
an unwinding coil, eh? ... wassat? helium whispers is nice
[5] Dovina 10-May-07/1:09 PM Reply
Can't see the point of this.
[n/a] half.italian › Dovina 10-May-07/8:38 PM Reply
Ever done acid?
[0] daniella 20-May-07/9:26 PM Reply
i'm sorry, it's just not well written.
[9] nypoet22 28-May-07/7:49 AM Reply
the last stanza should be split into two lines. i like the ending, but for it to have the impact i think you want, you have to introduce the coil image earlier. 'intricate architecture' could be improved upon to tie the beginning and end together.