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Altitude (Free verse) by half.italian With thoughts like helium whispers
my mind billows out
Reconfigured for weaving connections
into intricate architechture.
They build and join,
scatter and duplicate
until collapse
Leaving bare copper on an unwinding coil.
Up the ladder:
Snowy evening
Down the ladder:
the birds are still here
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: April 12, 2007 1:06 AM PDT; Last modified: May 5, 2007 12:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9761596 Overall Rank: 8370 Comments:
an unwinding coil, eh? ... wassat? helium whispers is nice
Can't see the point of this.
Ever done acid?
i'm sorry, it's just not well written.
the last stanza should be split into two lines. i like the ending, but for it to have the impact i think you want, you have to introduce the coil image earlier. 'intricate architecture' could be improved upon to tie the beginning and end together.
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One of us shall see
What we paint
Upon the blank page
That depicts what shall be unseen
In the heart of meanings
When the heart is pathless
When no poem shall go uncommented
Where poems and oceans cross each other
In the horizon of poets' dreams