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Altitude (Free verse) by half.italian

With thoughts like helium whispers my mind billows out Reconfigured for weaving connections into intricate architechture. They build and join, scatter and duplicate until collapse Leaving bare copper on an unwinding coil.

nypoet22 28-May-07/7:49 AM
the last stanza should be split into two lines. i like the ending, but for it to have the impact i think you want, you have to introduce the coil image earlier. 'intricate architecture' could be improved upon to tie the beginning and end together.




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