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A See-Through Prayer (Other) by PsydewaysTears
Empress Mother of the Earth Protector of the pure She sings her song of soft advice In silence on her moor: "Open up your wings, my dear And share them with the night Go quick before you disappear The time is right I'll be all right There's nothing for you here." Child by the lonely light With moonbeams in your hair Please heed your Mother's worldly woes And say a see-through prayer: "Take me with you when you go I haven't learned to fly I need you here to help me grow I won't reply To say goodbye I'll never let you go!" Maker of the morning mist And breather of the breeze She kneads her love through nature's spine Her soul holds up the trees: "Faerie girl, I love you so But cannot change what must I think it's fair for you to know A body's just A bowl of dust Enslaved by winds that blow." Daughter of your Mother's love And student of her grace Admit the fear that burns in you And fall to fate's embrace: "Mother, what a fool I've been To hide what scares me most I want to share what lies within How moonbeams boast.. Now I'm a ghost.. Your grave's the one I'm in!" Mother of a fallen fawn She'll always feel the sting But 'til her Daughter's peace is set She'll carry on and sing: "Open up your wings, my dear And share them with the night Go quick before you disappear The time is right I'll be all right There's nothing for you here."

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Weighted score: 5.0238404
Overall Rank: 7408
Posted: June 29, 2007 10:32 AM PDT; Last modified: June 29, 2007 10:32 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 65.171.117.171 | 29-Jun-07/3:13 PM | Reply
The first two verses move along fine; I'm into it there. But in mid-poem, too many twists, too much I can't find allusion for, and wonder why every prayer should not be a see-through prayer.
[8] nypoet22 @ 65.8.70.95 | 30-Jun-07/12:10 AM | Reply
this reads like a Gaelic folk song. Now for the music...
[3] Skamper @ 202.6.130.120 | 30-Jun-07/5:56 PM | Reply
very song-like, with an olde feel that doesn't quite make it...the punctuation is distracting. I don't feel anything for or from this write.
[8] Ranger @ 81.158.79.189 | 1-Jul-07/3:12 AM | Reply
I rather like this, although it is pretty much a dictionary of romantic imagery.
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