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tree in a flood (Free verse) by Skamper I feel your
caresses
tender wet kisses
warm
yet blown cool
by your presence
sending tingles
with rivulets of moisture
down me
I am alive
awake
intensifying
I bend
stretching to
accommodate
your demands
I am peaking
fullfilled
youre rushing
past me â around me
through me
relentless
I have no hope
no ambition
of ownership
I am satisfied
saturated
yet â your hunger
magnifies
breaking little pieces
from me
carresses and kisses
become
lashings and torrents
you are raging
I am subdued
swayings and rustlings
are now
thrashings
prostrate upon you
and within you
anchored
only by time
I give over
all that I am
Up the ladder:
Goodnight
Down the ladder:
Said The Darkness
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Posted: February 5, 2011 10:23 PM PST; Last modified: February 5, 2011 10:23 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.071139 Overall Rank: 6622 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 208.127.228.72
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12-Feb-11/8:07 PM
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Reply
Hey, settle down, its all too fast. Delayed gratification. Yes, please, make it last!
it's got a good skeleton but it's a bit flabby. one verb is worth ten adjectives and adverbs. this is how i read it:
"i feel your caresses, blown, sending tingles with rivulets. i awake, intensify, bend, stretch, accommodate. i am peaking, fulfilled. you're rushing. i am satisfied, saturated. your hunger magnifies, breaking pieces, caresses and kisses, lashings and torrents. you are raging, i am subdued, swayings and rustlings, thrashings, anchored. i give. i am.
too quick and too flabby, hmmm something to ponder over. Thanks guys
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