poemranker ::tree in a flood by Skamper

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Free verse № 159641

tree in a flood

by Skamper

Member since 2007 · Posted 5 Feb 2011 · 3 comments

I feel your caresses tender wet kisses warm yet blown cool by your presence sending tingles with rivulets of moisture down me I am alive awake intensifying I bend stretching to accommodate your demands I am peaking fullfilled youre rushing past me – around me through me relentless I have no hope no ambition of ownership I am satisfied saturated yet – your hunger magnifies breaking little pieces from me carresses and kisses become lashings and torrents you are raging I am subdued swayings and rustlings are now thrashings prostrate upon you and within you anchored only by time I give over all that I am

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mean 6.50 weighted 5.07 rank 6618 views 184 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

3 comments

[7] Dovina 12-Feb-11/8:07 PM Reply
Hey, settle down, its all too fast. Delayed gratification. Yes, please, make it last!
[6] nypoet22 12-Feb-11/10:22 PM Reply
it's got a good skeleton but it's a bit flabby. one verb is worth ten adjectives and adverbs. this is how i read it:

"i feel your caresses, blown, sending tingles with rivulets. i awake, intensify, bend, stretch, accommodate. i am peaking, fulfilled. you're rushing. i am satisfied, saturated. your hunger magnifies, breaking pieces, caresses and kisses, lashings and torrents. you are raging, i am subdued, swayings and rustlings, thrashings, anchored. i give. i am.
[n/a] Skamper 18-Feb-11/2:51 PM Reply
too quick and too flabby, hmmm something to ponder over. Thanks guys