nypoet2212 Feb 2011

it's got a good skeleton but it's a bit flabby. one verb is worth ten adjectives and adverbs. this is how i read it:

"i feel your caresses, blown, sending tingles with rivulets. i awake, intensify, bend, stretch, accommodate. i am peaking, fulfilled. you're rushing. i am satisfied, saturated. your hunger magnifies, breaking pieces, caresses and kisses, lashings and torrents. you are raging, i am subdued, swayings and rustlings, thrashings, anchored. i give. i am.