Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Late Song (Lyric) by nypoet22
This is a late song A much too late song A song about if only I had known if only I had known if only I had known if only I had known But it's a late song A love and hate song The difference between the two is timing This is a late song A failure to communicate song A song about the space that's grown shoulders on the pillow silence on the phone the space between us has grown Whenever I pine for you to be mine I remember what my papa used to say You can have anything you want but you cant have everything you want at the same time After what you said you can't have me you can't have me you can't have me After what you did you can't have me This is a late song A past our expiration date song A song about the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown But it's a late song A sliced-up heart left steaming on the plate song An ending owing to too much two-timing This is a late song A far too late song You got no need to hear me moan, "I'm so sorry" ain't gonna cry no more no i won't cry no more you ain't gonna hear me cry no more Too damn late song

Down the ladder: Helmand's prisoners

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 5.1897035
Overall Rank: 4752
Posted: February 1, 2011 6:20 AM PST; Last modified: August 12, 2011 9:36 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[3] Dovina @ 208.127.228.72 | 12-Feb-11/8:08 PM | Reply
I gave up after the first verse. Get specific or get out!
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.34.245.31 > Dovina | 12-Feb-11/10:04 PM | Reply
It's a Lyric; different forms have different requirements for such things. I'd be happy to accept criticism that's constructive, but that wasn't. Doctor, heal thyself! ;)
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 75.74.75.115 > Dovina | 28-Mar-12/10:05 PM | Reply
here's what it sounds like:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo
[7] Skamper @ 120.156.164.180 | 18-Feb-11/2:57 PM | Reply
Whenever I pine for you to be mine
I remember what my father used to say
You can have anything you want but you cant have
everything you want at the same time
If this is what you want
you can't have me

there's probably one too many wants...if this is what you need
you can't have me

and pine, really?
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 65.34.245.31 > Skamper | 18-Feb-11/4:12 PM | Reply
you're right, pine is very old-fashioned which makes it sound awkward in that usage. i like it though, so i'm taking it back. good criticism, i'll have to think on what to do with that last want, and a number of other similar repetitions, to stop the song from droning on too long.
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 75.74.75.115 > Skamper | 28-Mar-12/10:07 PM | Reply
your constructive criticism was considered in the re-write. here's the result, performed with guitar and violin:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo
[9] wDaphnew @ 85.210.7.225 | 25-Sep-11/11:52 AM | Reply
Jolly good.... Please accept my invitation to join MY new poetry site:
http://newpoetryshared.proboards.com
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 75.74.75.115 > wDaphnew | 28-Mar-12/10:08 PM | Reply
please allow me to respond to your spam with my spam:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo
355 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001