poemranker ::Late Song by nypoet22

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Lyric № 159640

Late Song

Member since 2006 · Posted 1 Feb 2011 · Edited 12 Aug 2011 · 8 comments

This is a late song A much too late song A song about if only I had known if only I had known if only I had known if only I had known But it's a late song A love and hate song The difference between the two is timing This is a late song A failure to communicate song A song about the space that's grown shoulders on the pillow silence on the phone the space between us has grown Whenever I pine for you to be mine I remember what my papa used to say You can have anything you want but you cant have everything you want at the same time After what you said you can't have me you can't have me you can't have me After what you did you can't have me This is a late song A past our expiration date song A song about the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown the chances now they're blown But it's a late song A sliced-up heart left steaming on the plate song An ending owing to too much two-timing This is a late song A far too late song You got no need to hear me moan, "I'm so sorry" ain't gonna cry no more no i won't cry no more you ain't gonna hear me cry no more Too damn late song

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mean 9.00 weighted 5.19 rank 4774 views 355 View voting details →

1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

8 comments

[3] Dovina 12-Feb-11/8:08 PM Reply
I gave up after the first verse. Get specific or get out!
[n/a] nypoet22 › Dovina 12-Feb-11/10:04 PM Reply
It's a Lyric; different forms have different requirements for such things. I'd be happy to accept criticism that's constructive, but that wasn't. Doctor, heal thyself! ;)
[n/a] nypoet22 › Dovina 28-Mar-12/10:05 PM Reply
here's what it sounds like:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo
[7] Skamper 18-Feb-11/2:57 PM Reply
Whenever I pine for you to be mine
I remember what my father used to say
You can have anything you want but you cant have
everything you want at the same time
If this is what you want
you can't have me

there's probably one too many wants...if this is what you need
you can't have me

and pine, really?
[n/a] nypoet22 › Skamper 18-Feb-11/4:12 PM Reply
you're right, pine is very old-fashioned which makes it sound awkward in that usage. i like it though, so i'm taking it back. good criticism, i'll have to think on what to do with that last want, and a number of other similar repetitions, to stop the song from droning on too long.
[n/a] nypoet22 › Skamper 28-Mar-12/10:07 PM Reply
your constructive criticism was considered in the re-write. here's the result, performed with guitar and violin:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo
[9] wDaphnew 25-Sep-11/11:52 AM Reply
Jolly good.... Please accept my invitation to join MY new poetry site:
http://newpoetryshared.proboards.com
[n/a] nypoet22 › wDaphnew 28-Mar-12/10:08 PM Reply
please allow me to respond to your spam with my spam:

http://youtu.be/pw_9K3VZZoo