on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
9 Jan 2006, 4:16 AM
When I was checking the charts to find the best, i noted your poem ranking -1. Curiously I read it, and must say, hats off to you! you did a wonderful job on that - barrister or not. Hmmm, now for a hot cup of coffee....please may I have one.
on Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac
8 Jan 2006, 7:22 PM
I liked it, I don't know why. As far as critisizing it, I wouldn't do you enough justice, though I think you could change a couple of words here there.
on Sunlighting by ALChemy
9 Jan 2006, 3:17 AM
Beautiful! I am a nature lover, and am almost always impressed with themes dealing with nature. I do not stress much on punctuation, but on the idea conveyed by the poet. Imagination is one of the most effective tools in poetry coupled with what you are within, and your expression in this poem is very impressive.
Full marks to you, and I'm still waiting for the Oh merry Fay - part II.
Full marks to you, and I'm still waiting for the Oh merry Fay - part II.
on California triolets by zodiac
9 Jan 2006, 10:48 AM
Not bad...... You have a nice way of turning a very obscure scene into poetic reality.
on Slaves and their Serpents by cyan9
9 Jan 2006, 9:23 AM
Not my cup of tea. As for the para 1 line 4, you said it! Your confession suits you very well.
on some deleted poem
9 Jan 2006, 9:32 AM
Good work!
on We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 10:29 AM
Hmmm, Ahem, .... I'm speechless. A bit weird I feel, or maybe its not got to me well enough.
on The Forgetting by Dovina
9 Jan 2006, 3:40 AM
No offence, but somehow, something's missing. The poem's good, but I don't feel the punch as much as I do in some poems.
on THE NIGHT STAGE by anushree
16 Jan 2006, 9:36 AM
Not quite specific and structured as your previous piece. Somehow the punch is missing.
on What Matters by Dovina
12 Jan 2006, 8:39 AM
Excuse me, but spell out the 17 syllables here. Am I losing something. I still find it confusing figuring out a Haiku. 5-7-5?
on A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta
16 Jan 2006, 1:33 AM
This is a poem I wrote last year (21st Jan), while on the train, on my way to my Grandma's funeral. Her name is Pearl Heldt, and she was such a wonderful person to me and my family, and it was with deep sorrow and gratitude that I wrote this. You might find a lot of portions need editing, but I have kept it this way, unedited, due to the fact that I wrote it spontaneously, within 15 - 20 min. for her. All the same, critiques view is welcome. We will be celebrating her 1st death anniversary on the 20th Jan. May her soul rest in peace.
on some deleted poem
16 Jan 2006, 1:43 AM
Hmmm, now what do I say? Is this from real life experiences that have had a beautifully, strong outpouring of love being described? Looks to me like it is. I'm quite impressed by the choice of comparitive characters.
By the way, where's the reference to " Naked Gods" that dovina has pointed out to, or has this piece been edited? ( Sorry Dovina, am not trying to point out anything against you.)
By the way, where's the reference to " Naked Gods" that dovina has pointed out to, or has this piece been edited? ( Sorry Dovina, am not trying to point out anything against you.)
on A Haiku by amanda_dcosta
13 Jan 2006, 9:28 PM
This might be way off. Criticism welcome. I'm trying to figure it out..... though haven't had a lot of time to think about it. With kids.........!
on Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo
13 Jan 2006, 9:33 PM
The idea's quite good though the presentation could have been a bit more connected. I liked it. Keep it up.
on A LOVERâS TORMENT by anushree
16 Jan 2006, 9:32 AM
Very beautifully worded. may be a bit forced, but on the whole you could justify your choice of words. Your presentation of the theme is what stands out. Good work.
on A SURREAL DEPREDATION! by anushree
16 Jan 2006, 9:42 AM
Sorry, but I am unable to connect with this poem. Phrases are good, but somehow it doesn't balance on the whole.
on A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta
22 Jan 2006, 8:07 PM
Dovina, correct me if i'm wrong. I stated that I've posted it unedited since having written it last year. This was so that you could read the original piece that was written. This was what I wrote spontaneously for her and had done nothing about it since then. But, all the same, I've said that critique's views are welcome. I agree, I wrote it in a time of deep sorrow, but then, that doesn't mean you can't tell me what portions need editing or what you feel about the poem. When I wrote this and the many other pieces of mine, I had no one to actually guide me, and there was no feed back. I rely on you guys to give me a frank opinion. So be free (and unsympathetic) to air your opinion, especially when asked for. I would really appreciate this.