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Racism 2 (Free verse) by Dovina
Retreating the cliché of suburb homogeneity, tired of yuppie hype, she gravitates against advice, like lightning to resentment’s rod, and comes by rail to LA’s inner core, with a twenty and a body, both kept close, mostly out of sight. The white patron wanders, alone in poor, non-white inner city streets, known for moral turpitude, shopping at the liquor store, the greasy hot-dog stand. Treated warmly and with courtesy, she thinks and almost says, quite a different way from how we treated you. Exemplary, is what they mean, she figures on the train, as in, we’d like the same in your hometown.

Up the ladder: me.
Down the ladder: http://www.aljazeera.net

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6
Weighted score: 4.9523187
Overall Rank: 8968
Posted: January 12, 2006 7:10 PM PST; Last modified: January 12, 2006 7:10 PM PST
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Comments:
[5] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 | 14-Jan-06/12:04 AM | Reply
Dovina, I hope you don't mind, but, personally I feel you haven't conveyed your matter very clearly. Somehow, I don't feel very impressed by it.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 14-Jan-06/5:03 AM | Reply
This would be relevent in the 1960s or to people in their 60s. Besides, ethnic people aren't trying to end racism through being nice. They're just being nice.

I do love the fact that I'm pretty much guaranteed a few fancy words whenever I read your poems.
[4] zodiac @ 209.193.18.212 | 14-Jan-06/10:47 AM | Reply
I cannot fucking believe you're still doing this. Please, for once take the hint: YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MINORITIES. YOU DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ANY BLACK PEOPLE. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE ABOUT THEM COMES OFF SOUNDING INSANE.
[4] zodiac @ 209.193.18.212 | 14-Jan-06/10:50 AM | Reply
In short, if you want to improve your poetry, consider selling your house in Orange County, quitting your job, and moving somewhere with real ethnic balance, like Charlotte.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 14-Jan-06/11:13 AM | Reply
The guys at work are thinking about making me an honorary "brotha". If you ever saw me you'd know how funny that is.
[5] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 > zodiac | 15-Jan-06/1:25 AM | Reply
Poems on racism seem to stress on prejudices, pride and a whole lot of superfacial crap. This is a very sensitive topic: it seems to show that you are determined on conveying your idea on Racism or trying to prove that one set of humans is superior, or that one is inferior. I would rather like to see something like "We are the world.... we are the children".
[6] ecargo @ 172.140.127.220 > amanda_dcosta | 15-Jan-06/9:19 AM | Reply
Superfacial may be my new favorite (non)word.
[6] ecargo @ 172.140.127.220 | 15-Jan-06/9:18 AM | Reply
The main problem with this is too much telling, not enough showing. Dave Chappelle does a bit about being driven into the projects and knowing that's where they were headed because: "gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store." That raises an immediate image, just those few words. That's what's missing here. More "liquor store,
the greasy hot-dog stand" and less narrative and blatant point-making.
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > ecargo | 15-Jan-06/11:05 AM | Reply
Is that the one with Wayne Brady?

"This racist stuff is killing me inside" -Dave Chappelle from the skit "The Niggar Family".
http://www.limanon.com/menu/films/chapelle/niggarfamily.html
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.206.194 | 16-Jan-06/3:14 PM | Reply
I gather this poem is about a white person who goes to a black inner-city and buys a greasy hot dog and liquor store stuff and is treated well by the black people. The black people would like when they visit the middle-class white person's town to be treated the same way but they are not. It is just not a very realistic scenario.
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