ecargo15 Jan 2006

The main problem with this is too much telling, not enough showing. Dave Chappelle does a bit about being driven into the projects and knowing that's where they were headed because: "gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store." That raises an immediate image, just those few words. That's what's missing here. More "liquor store,
the greasy hot-dog stand" and less narrative and blatant point-making.