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Fraser Allonby Q.C. is a recipient of the poemWanker award:
Likes to create fake accounts pretending to be other users.
The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law (Other) by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
Each and every morn I wake And rouse myself from sleep. I stretch and yawn, and stretch again, Then out of bed I leap. Into my pantaloons I strap My heaving, sweaty frame. I'm Fraser Allonby Q.C.: Well knows the world my name. My larder groans with sweet delights With which I'll break my fast. I gorge on buns and pies and ale And relish my repast. I stroll into my robing room Wherein forthwith I dress My bulk in courtly finery: I wear only the best. I place upon my head so large My newly powdered wig, And hide within black folds of gown My hindquarters so big. I prance into the morn so fair And heave my bulk to court Wherein I speak of equity, And negligence, and tort. My clients pay me by the hour And augment my vast riches. I spend my wealth on whores and port And jewel-encrusted britches. All the comments that I post Are more or less the same I'm Fraser Allonby Q.C.: Well knows the world my name.

Up the ladder: Two Cunts
Down the ladder: The First Poem

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 1110
.. 53
.. 20
.. 22
.. 30
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 02
.. 34

Arithmetic Mean: 7.2040815
Weighted score: 7.204077
Overall Rank: 17
Posted: May 14, 2004 4:57 AM PDT; Last modified: May 14, 2004 10:04 AM PDT
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

amanda_dcosta, Edna Sweetlove, conny lingers

[10] Stephen Robins @ | 14-May-04/5:14 AM | Reply
That is splendid.

So you have time to write that but no time for a mug of wallop later in inner temple?

You shameful fraud!
[6] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > Stephen Robins | 14-May-04/5:36 AM | Reply
Is it still the case that any law student must dine at least 24 times in inner temple before being allowed to qualify?
How would he know? He's not a lawyer. And neither I am. You see, it's all been a hideous misunderstanding. I'm not a barrister; I'm a barista (i.e. an employee of a coffee shop).

[10] Stephen Robins @ > wFraser Allonby Q.C.w | 14-May-04/9:52 AM | Reply
Your legs are too fat to suuport you in a job where you would have to be on your feet all day.

You are a failed thin person.
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > Stephen Robins | 14-May-04/10:15 AM | Reply
Surely my weeble-like figure ensures that I can wobble around the coffee shop without falling over.
[6] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ | 14-May-04/5:19 AM | Reply
I declare it to be the most whimsical jape of the season!!! -6-
Have you been employed by Her Majesty's Commission for Numbers to improve the image of the number six? I can think of no other explanation for your recent obsession with the said number. -6-
[10] zodiac @ | 14-May-04/5:19 AM | Reply
[10] Stephen Robins @ > zodiac | 14-May-04/9:53 AM | Reply
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > Stephen Robins | 14-May-04/10:11 AM | Reply
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 14-May-04/5:50 AM | Reply
s-6 L-1 hiccup. Nicely done.
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > INTRANSIT | 14-May-04/5:52 AM | Reply
Is that better?
[10] INTRANSIT @ > wFraser Allonby Q.C.w | 14-May-04/5:59 AM | Reply
fair...equity... a bit of a reach but no more hiccup so, yes.
[9] Shuushin @ | 14-May-04/8:46 AM | Reply
Hello Fraser! Welcome to Poemranker! Thanks for posting such a great poem! A/S/L?
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > Shuushin | 14-May-04/10:06 AM | Reply
73/M/Royal Courts of Justice, Strand, London
[9] fair12 @ | 14-May-04/9:49 AM | Reply
that was great! thoroughly enjoyable.. I dub thee with a 9
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > fair12 | 14-May-04/10:10 AM | Reply
And I dub thee with a shitty stick. Arise, Sir Quimston.
[9] sliver @ | 14-May-04/11:39 AM | Reply
I actually liked reading this one, Somebody shoot me!
[10] edpeterson @ | 14-May-04/1:36 PM | Reply
best poem i ever read -0-
[n/a] Nicholas Jones @ | 21-May-04/4:25 AM | Reply
Have you been watching Cavanagh QC?
[n/a] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ > Nicholas Jones | 21-May-04/7:12 AM | Reply
I don't own a television, old boy.
[9] Ranger @ | 3-May-05/2:29 PM | Reply
Absolutely marvellous, squire.
[10] Caducus @ | 1-Dec-05/3:14 AM | Reply
[6] PoeticXTC @ | 20-Dec-05/9:06 PM | Reply
lol, nice poem...
[10] lmp @ | 30-Dec-05/2:12 PM | Reply
ok, i am sure that this was written before the premier of the TV show "Boston Legal", but Will Shatner's character (Denny Crane) comes to mind here.
well done, a riotous romp at pomp!
[10] amanda_dcosta @ | 9-Jan-06/4:16 AM | Reply
When I was checking the charts to find the best, i noted your poem ranking -1. Curiously I read it, and must say, hats off to you! you did a wonderful job on that - barrister or not. Hmmm, now for a hot cup of coffee....please may I have one.
[8] Garrett S Sexton @ | 29-Mar-06/12:05 PM | Reply
Hobbit poems R funny.
[8] Garrett S Sexton @ | 29-Mar-06/12:08 PM | Reply
[10] Edna Sweetlove @ | 14-May-06/2:56 AM | Reply
OK I suppose. The final word of the last line of the penultimate stanza would be funnier if it were "bitches".
[10] Edna Sweetlove @ | 21-May-06/4:49 PM | Reply
Quite OK I suppose.
[0] mrs smith @ | 25-Jun-06/3:32 PM | Reply
[10] Edna Sweetlove @ | 22-Feb-13/9:51 AM | Reply
[6] Lenore @ ::1 | 16-Oct-17/2:14 PM | Reply
"I wear only the best" could've been better. Yeah, that line sucks. The rest, flows like stuff that flows good.
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