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Reckoning (Free verse) by <~> With an abacus, I could
track the times
you and I have weighed in,
hand to hand, skull to skull,
mouth to mouth,
beaded with sweat.
If I had the brass, I'd quit you
and your pheromone juju
that undoes my knees every time
I see you.
Given the grit,
I'd gash you when you take
a stab at me.
But I have ifs
and you have me,
netted, complicit,
wooden and pushed about
like some counter,
adding up to us.
Up the ladder:
broken bottles
Down the ladder:
Lorca: Canción del Jinete
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Posted: January 9, 2006 9:04 AM PST; Last modified: January 9, 2006 9:04 AM PSTWeighted score: 7.0 Overall Rank: 81 Comments:
[10]
INTRANSIT @ 64.12.116.67
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9-Jan-06/9:39 AM
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Reply
Serious juju. Sorry, I'm still from the Rothian camp. Do you just like to play with little balls? I'll stop now. Gotta visit the loo. I'll check back with scrawl a little later. Brain is cooking today. Hope I can post my newest "over there". Thanks fo' da hep!
[n/a]
<~> @ 167.206.181.179
> INTRANSIT
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9-Jan-06/9:40 AM
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Reply
you gotta post in the welcome forum to get let in, rich...
"netted, complicit, wooden and pushed about" is great. The rest of the last stanza should go, says me.
Has a groovy beat poem feel to it. It was pleasant to read but nothing much really stuck with me except the lines Zodiac already mentioned.
"I have ifs, and you have me," What a way to live. Yet it's too often true.
Lovely, tastey words prettily played.
powerful and real- I'm totally believing it.
I like the lightness and how you play it with the reality that it is serious and painful, too.
could it be a crush? more likely a power struggle... dont have much time now, but will think on it.
i can feel the frustration and anger, yet those emotions are delivered with the delicateness of one who is as you have written in the last verse. nicely done.
'Mornin. be over in a minute and I'm bringing something for one of the short story forums.
Second stanza is particularly brilliant, as are the others. Remarkable. *10*
Good work! Keep it up.
I'm sure there's something intelligent I can say here, but I can't think what it might be. Nicely written, anyway.
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