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broken bottles (Free verse) by richa I
That the clouds should stop coming
Deeper; the hours, the distance
That the trees should stop flagging
Forward; to evening, to Europe
That the wind should not usher
Through; the axis, the seasons
But breathe only, on broken bottles
Gently, and sing
II
Perfect, in their poise
As the pipes of a church organ
Cut in the lapsed wings
Of an albatross stalking
Brimming with storm
But no rejoicing
Except, for the half drunk
(how they are still standing!)
III
Loosed is the lie of rhyme!
A veneer
That hollowed the tubes
Locked still by the storm
Their roots, drowned
In its benign poison
Should guide the doves
Through frozen faces
Up the ladder:
Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed
Down the ladder:
Reckoning
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.1
Posted: November 29, 2002 11:02 AM PST; Last modified: November 29, 2002 11:02 AM PSTWeighted score: 7.000406 Overall Rank: 80 Comments:
gracious, this is gorgeous.
which tubes are locked still by the storm? i feel clouds in s1 and again in s2, but i know this about the low moaning voice of the wind--so where do the roots come from in s3?
give me a clue>?
I like it
I think your first verse is the strongest here. It is simplistic and beautiful and powerful.
Bit confused about the connection to albatross, though.
it's a barren landscape.
i love: brimming with storm but no rejoicing. it makes no sense, but sings.
I really cannot see this is very good and I dislike the excessive use of exclamation marks.
There is something peculiarly uninteresting about being told what an observer can not see.
you have voted on this three times now you fucking retard.
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I think you're very talented. You have a lyrical and distinctive voice and an ability to conjure images on the edge of unsettling (here less so than in some of your other poems, but still vivid and evocative). I can't say I always know what your poems are about, per se, but it usually doesn't matter--your central images are usually strong enough to carry the ambiguity.
Not sure I get how broken bottles are "cut in the wings/of an albatross stalking." And your part III baffles me--but I respond to it nonetheless.