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broken bottles

Member since 2002 · Posted 29 Nov 2002 · 9 comments

I That the clouds should stop coming Deeper; the hours, the distance That the trees should stop flagging Forward; to evening, to Europe That the wind should not usher Through; the axis, the seasons But breathe only, on broken bottles Gently, and sing II Perfect, in their poise As the pipes of a church organ Cut in the lapsed wings Of an albatross stalking Brimming with storm But no rejoicing Except, for the half drunk (how they are still standing!) III Loosed is the lie of rhyme! A veneer That hollowed the tubes Locked still by the storm Their roots, drowned In its benign poison Should guide the doves Through frozen faces

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mean 7.10 weighted 7.00 rank 74 views 388 View voting details →

20 votes so far. Yours would make 21.20 votes so far

9 comments

[9] ecargo 30-Nov-02/8:49 AM Reply

What, have you left everyone speechless?

I think you're very talented. You have a lyrical and distinctive voice and an ability to conjure images on the edge of unsettling (here less so than in some of your other poems, but still vivid and evocative). I can't say I always know what your poems are about, per se, but it usually doesn't matter--your central images are usually strong enough to carry the ambiguity.

Not sure I get how broken bottles are "cut in the wings/of an albatross stalking." And your part III baffles me--but I respond to it nonetheless.

[9] Limness 30-Nov-02/4:56 PM Reply

gracious, this is gorgeous.

[n/a] <~> 30-Nov-02/5:30 PM Reply

which tubes are locked still by the storm? i feel clouds in s1 and again in s2, but i know this about the low moaning voice of the wind--so where do the roots come from in s3?
give me a clue>?

[10] donmiguel1960 9-Feb-07/4:46 AM Reply

I like it

[8] bwaha 17-Apr-07/7:19 AM Reply

I think your first verse is the strongest here. It is simplistic and beautiful and powerful.

Bit confused about the connection to albatross, though.

[7] daniella 20-May-07/8:33 PM Reply

it's a barren landscape.
i love: brimming with storm but no rejoicing. it makes no sense, but sings.

[2] Edna Sweetlove 13-Aug-07/9:07 AM Reply

I really cannot see this is very good and I dislike the excessive use of exclamation marks.

[n/a] richa › Edna Sweetlove 13-Aug-07/10:46 AM Reply

There is something peculiarly uninteresting about being told what an observer can not see.

[n/a] richa › Edna Sweetlove 15-Aug-07/3:01 PM Reply

you have voted on this three times now you fucking retard.