poemranker ::Flow by zodiac

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Free verse № 136748

Flow

by zodiac

Member since 2004 · Posted 10 Jan 2006 · 15 comments

Nights she dreams the bedroom, farmhouse, cornrows plowed straight, come unmoored. This is too good, she thinks, this straightness, this hard earth of certitude, love. There will be flood, flux, sinkage, some nadir. There will be earth-pull, that waiting ocean, Memory.

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mean 9.50 weighted 6.21 rank 974 views 327 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

15 comments

[9] ecargo 10-Jan-06/3:09 PM Reply
This is great. Small things: corn rows should probably be two words (otherwise it's the hairstyle, no?); is unmoored quite it?--are they drifting in this dream, undone? killer ending and a richness of imagery and sounds.
[n/a] zodiac › ecargo 10-Jan-06/3:19 PM Reply
This was prompted. Here's the prompt: http://tinyurl.com/7dmtc
[10] ALChemy 10-Jan-06/3:57 PM Reply
That is a deep scar. Watch out if the tide gets too high or too low.
[10] http://mulberryfairy 10-Jan-06/8:09 PM Reply
beautiful,
nice word choices
[10] <~> 11-Jan-06/11:13 AM Reply
i liked it then and i likes it now.
[n/a] Dental Panic 11-Jan-06/3:47 PM Reply
Recently I had a debate with someone over the use of 'this (is)' in a poem. I always wonder what happens when you pull it out - because there's always something happening. To me 'this (is)' is like a pointing finger, it's outside of the poem. The other party didn't agree. To him it was something he used frequently, without any objections. He liked the rhythm of it, and the decisiveness. I think he would have used your poem to prove his point. But maybe I would have too.
I've got a problem with 'she dreams'/'she thinks'.


[n/a] Dental Panic › Dental Panic 12-Jan-06/6:19 AM Reply
Where did your reply go? Anyway, it's not that I have a problem with 'she dreams' (although doing dreams in poetry I find very tricky) or 'she thinks', but with the order in which you use them here - or does she think in her dream? Sorry for not making myself clear.
Also I didn't mean to just pull out 'this is'. If you pull out a word from a good poem, the whole thing changes.
[10] Caducus 12-Jan-06/9:22 AM Reply
Three different images of flow and damn good ones to boot.

[9] richa 12-Jan-06/2:10 PM Reply
Cool. Is memory entirely necessary. There is another poem that is quite famous that ends on an abrupt fat portentious: Memory. It goes something like watching the ink from my pen on paper, ah memory. Alright I've forgotten where I heard it but it does.
[10] ALChemy 12-Jan-06/2:12 PM Reply
I've noticed your line breaks tend to be more for visual purposes than for phonic purposes.
[9] richa › ALChemy 12-Jan-06/2:16 PM Reply
No they are phonic listen. Come (open vowel) line break (hold) unmoored (low sound). Flood (pause) then flood of words, flux sinkage, some nadir.
[9] richa › richa 12-Jan-06/2:16 PM Reply
There is no point posting an attractive looking poem on here anyway because the font is unbelievably ugly.
[10] ALChemy › richa 12-Jan-06/3:02 PM Reply
Yeah I said that wrong, totally wrong. I think what I meant was that he uses visual layout to effect the sound as opposed to letting the reader find their own pauses. I see how it seems necessary in this poem. Basically I'm saying he tends to use a rigid structure in his own way. He kinda writes in a subtle William Shatner/Christopher Walkin type speach. This is something I really like about his poems though.
Anyway I should think about what I'm trying to say before I say it. I'm sure later I'll feel stupid about something I said in this comment too. Somedays I just don't express myself very well.
[n/a] zodiac › ALChemy 12-Jan-06/4:18 PM Reply
That's a nice theory, and I'd love to claim it. But my line-ends are almost always for bad rhyme or bad rhythm (ie, -room/come, good/hard/flood, be/-ory). What words I decide to rhyme or make fall at that point in the rhythm does have something to do with what you're talking about. And richa, too. I've never put it in so many words, but I feel it.
[8] amanda_dcosta 14-Jan-06/3:25 AM Reply
Hmmmm. Quite good. ;-)