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Time, Indeterminate (Free verse) by ecargo
He tells me his beard’s grown long— the razor issued with his blues, his sheets, his rough towels, has been stolen. “A bunch of crooks,” he writes on yellow wide-rule, punctuated with a faint, penciled smile. (They stole his pens too.) For Christmas, I adopted a whale named Zeppelin, in his name; sent the bio and a photograph in fuzzy black and white. I’ll send him updates on the sightings: where it goes, its mates, its calves. (“You’re the only one who got some tail for Christmas,” his celly said to him.) He passes ‘round the poems I send, the sexy note I wrote while in the bath (I can’t get mad), the articles I tear from magazines, remembered travelogues I scrawl on postcards kept from places where we’ve been: Boulder Field and New York City, Graceland gray with rain. I save to send him money for the small indulgences they sell; buy interesting stamps--he liked the antique cars and constellations best. His letters tell of winning chess, old books, his work to pass the days. He says he saves my letters, the ten that they’ll allow. (The phone’s gone since I couldn’t pay the bill— five dollars the first minute, and every minute dear.) When the baby’s born, I’ll find some one to drive us down. At least he’ll get to see it through the glass. I’m sick a lot, and sad, but keep it to myself; describe the baby’s room, send lists of names and what they mean: Jana (God is gracious) or maybe Jack. He says he dreams of little hands.

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.5
Weighted score: 6.2102365
Overall Rank: 975
Posted: January 29, 2006 7:27 PM PST; Last modified: January 29, 2006 7:27 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 30-Jan-06/9:19 AM | Reply
Strange, I could have sworn that I'd commented on this earlier...ahh, the curse of selective memory returns! I like this, although I got the impression (from the last stanza and a half) that there's a tragedy round the corner...which turned it from a pleasent tribute to enduring feelings to having a much darker feel at the end - are you intending on following this up with a sequel?
The only line that lost me was "named Zeppelin, in his name;" - is there something going straight over my head here?
Either way, very nicely done.
[n/a] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 > Ranger | 30-Jan-06/10:23 AM | Reply
Someone "gave" me a whale named Zeppelin for Christmas, and it worked its way in here. I think I just liked the concept of something floating free, another level of freedom embodied by the whale. Or maybe it was because my certificate of whale sponsorship was right before my eyes on my cork board while I was writing this.

Thanks for the comment. No plans to write a sequel, but you never know.
[10] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 | 30-Jan-06/12:18 PM | Reply
At first I thought he was in a submarine. The whale and the name Zeppelin('cause they're shaped like a sub) is what led me to go there. But by the end I was pretty sure he was in prison. It really expresses well the loneliness of emprisonment from both points of view. Good job.
[9] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 30-Jan-06/4:57 PM | Reply
She hasn't much to send him, or much to buy it with, and when the baby comes, she'll have less. Still, her poems he passes 'round, and keeps the whale's picture she found the money to sponser. "What a woman!" I hear him say.
[10] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.137.10 | 31-Jan-06/10:12 AM | Reply
has been stolen> correct would be:Have been; but then again, maybe leaving it in the language it is written in actually gives something to this poem.
This is a long poem, but it is worth the time to read. Very nice, and real. What a melancholy piece.
I thought it was about a soldier until I hit the word 'celly', and realizes it was about prison. It is unique in that it makes the reader see real faces behind those locked up; and beyond those faces to the families left behind. Excellent work!
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