Re: Octubre 1992 by The Eskimo King	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:53 PM
no habla. :/ Babelfish gives me: ""Heart Rests" Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things." To which I say... hmm. Some pretty words? I'm an ignorant American.
Re: Retreived by T'ien	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:51 PM
death to love!
Re: Innocence lost by deadstar	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:50 PM
ow.
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:50 PM
wow.
Re: Morning on Galapados by Mikius	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:49 PM
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.
Re: Pressing Matters in the White House by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:48 PM
cutesy, but the ragged rhythm/jumps drive me crazy
Re: Bloody Sonner by The Eskimo King	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:47 PM
too rough in flow for me.
Re: suicide lost the plot by T'ien	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:46 PM
the rhymes feel too forced, cheapening anything you might want us to take seriously. flow feels off in a number of places as well.
Re: Longing by deadstar	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:45 PM
second line really trips me up in flow; within each vein seems really odd--perhaps every? each makes me think you've only got two, for some reason. awkward and droll, overall.
Re: The Fox by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:44 PM
cute. is it true, about foxes? The flow felt off here and there throughout, but it's cute anyway.
Re: The toilet by The Eskimo King	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:43 PM
which he, who? eh.
Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:42 PM
"A body yard from virginal" makes me think there has to either be a typo somewhere, or a missing word--I get some gist of it from context, but well, lots of different some gists. very interesting, though. I really like the second stanza, and just want the first to cohere a little more for me.
Re: Steak and Satin by Dovina	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:31 PM
Quite interesting.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:30 PM
God is quite a difficult guy to come to terms with. He's a bit of a bugger sometimes, but if he loves you he will save you and if not YOU GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:28 PM
Witty but Christ will bugger you.
Re: Felice Et Eroticum Est. by Ulterius	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:27 PM
Very Erotic and you will burn in Hell 4 it.
Re: The Tale Of Marietta And The Hornbag Priest (v.1) by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:25 PM
Fucking amusing bit you will rot for this.
Re: a comment on Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	4-Oct-06/3:52 PM
I prefer that part of the edit. Not sure whether I like the rest as much as the original though. I really thought the idea of her scouting her next boyfriend from your bed was a great passage.
Re: a comment on Wyndham by Aetius	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/11:16 AM
Great Oriental Nothingness Exercise -- aka GONE? "I have never believed in Wyndham" doesn't _quite_ strike the right cadence for me, or something. Not sure. I like this, though, and definitely want to see it illustrated.
Re: tomorrow by deano	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/11:13 AM
Fun, and my sort of fun, to boot. Simple, but overall the cadence is right, and the sounds as well. I don't like "why isn't it tomorrow tomorrow"--that doesn't flow right. Hmm. Yeah, could use some tweaking. But I think it's worth it.