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Felice Et Eroticum Est. (Other) by Ulterius
Bent double, an old beggar in silk slacks “These footballers are fags,” she cursed and swore Til on the sporting news she upturned her crack Showed them what many men have seen before. “They’re half asleep,” she grumbled to her boots Sitting in her church, where half the folk were blind Drunk on Jesus, deaf even to the hoots Of laughter as Edna bared her hairy behind GAS! Gas! Quick Ed – an ecstasy of laughter Slipping down her stockings just in time A racket erupted, the smell shortly after The vicar floundered like a man in fire or lime Dim, through the years of reading utter crap As under the bar-stools, I saw him hurling In all my dreams, I feel my corsets snap He squats in squalor, retching, choking, hurling If in the smothering fumes you too could sit As Christ's messengers quail at the stench And split your sides at someone's elses shit Her hanging tights, watching her colon clench If you could hear, at every squirt, the dump Come gargling from the newly opened tubes Gazing upon the ripe curves of her rump And marvelling at the cling-ons on her pubes My friend, you would be thought of as a nasty sod But could often tell to those at St Peter's The old truth: Felice et eroticum est pro patria defaecati .

Up the ladder: Fragrant Love
Down the ladder: Golden Showers

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10  .. 39
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.. 01
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Weighted score: 7.2913656
Overall Rank: 14
Posted: August 31, 2006 5:52 AM PDT; Last modified: August 31, 2006 5:52 AM PDT
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

Edna Sweetlove, conny lingers, rabbi sammy schtupp

Comments:
[10] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 31-Aug-06/7:11 AM | Reply
Good god--who ARE you? This is brilliant. I think Owen would have found it hilarious. I do. Terrific, very "'rankerish" spoof.
[n/a] Ulterius @ 82.46.97.41 > ecargo | 31-Aug-06/7:46 AM | Reply
I am Good God, of course. And thank you. I think Owen might have tried to gully me, but I'm sure he had a pretty good sense of humour, if it matched up to his poetic ability.
[10] Edna Sweetlove @ 85.210.208.75 | 31-Aug-06/7:52 AM | Reply
Ah yes, how those WW1 poets loved it up the ass. 10/10 again.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 31-Aug-06/9:10 AM | Reply
I am a poet, convinced that I am acting on behalf of poets. I believe that this poem, upon which I entered as a poem of excellence and rhythm, has now become a poem of mimickery and silliness. I believe that the purposes for which I and my fellow-poets read this poem should have been so clearly stated as to have made it impossible to misunderstand the poems meaning, and that, had this been done, the objects which actuated us would now be deserving of a ten..

[10] Engelbert Humpalot @ 194.154.22.38 | 4-Sep-06/10:10 AM | Reply
I love a bit of learning.
[9] Sing4Jesus! @ 85.210.199.173 | 4-Oct-06/4:27 PM | Reply
Very Erotic and you will burn in Hell 4 it.
[8] Dr Toilet @ 85.210.196.90 | 15-Jan-07/4:11 PM | Reply
Bravo!
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