poemranker ::Morning on Galapados by Mikius

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Free verse № 34155

Morning on Galapados

by Mikius

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Jan 2003 · Edited 15 Jan 2003 · 6 comments

The sun rises Red as fresh blood It cuts the night And calls the day On the mountain The companions Treading snow Travel on As they move off Deep in the snow Thier spirits lift With the dawn The first rays Caress the mountain Like a lover Knowing all the roads And the sunlight pours Like liquid gold Across the slopes Gently kissing the snow The light comes Bright hope Piercing the darkness To bring the dawn

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5618 views 274 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[9] Ranger 7-Jan-03/1:46 AM Reply
2nd to last verse is excellent, I like it a great deal.
Not sure about the last line, if I can think of anything better for it I'll let you know.
Only other gripe is that 'fresh' doesn't have an 'a'.
Good work
[n/a] Mikius › Ranger 9-Jan-03/3:21 PM Reply
Fixed it up now. Thanks for the suggestions. I also added a new verse, so you mean the 3rd to last, not 2nd. Please leave anymore help you can give.
[9] Caducus 7-Jan-03/6:48 AM Reply
1st class,, the opening stanza is original in description,(at least I think so) giving this a rare 9 and a 2nd read
[9] Ranger 15-Jan-03/7:27 AM Reply
Well with the addition comes the need to turn this into a metaphor for two lovers...go to it.
[9] Ranger 15-Jan-03/7:28 AM Reply
Well with the addition comes the need to turn this into a metaphor for two lovers...go to it.
[3] nentwined 4-Oct-06/5:49 PM Reply
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.