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Morning on Galapados (Free verse) by Mikius The sun rises
Red as fresh blood
It cuts the night
And calls the day
On the mountain
The companions
Treading snow
Travel on
As they move off
Deep in the snow
Thier spirits lift
With the dawn
The first rays
Caress the mountain
Like a lover
Knowing all the roads
And the sunlight pours
Like liquid gold
Across the slopes
Gently kissing the snow
The light comes
Bright hope
Piercing the darkness
To bring the dawn
Up the ladder:
Antiquity
Down the ladder:
all the eyes are on
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: January 7, 2003 1:39 AM PST; Last modified: January 15, 2003 7:13 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5620 Comments:
1st class,, the opening stanza is original in description,(at least I think so) giving this a rare 9 and a 2nd read
Well with the addition comes the need to turn this into a metaphor for two lovers...go to it.
Well with the addition comes the need to turn this into a metaphor for two lovers...go to it.
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.
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Not sure about the last line, if I can think of anything better for it I'll let you know.
Only other gripe is that 'fresh' doesn't have an 'a'.
Good work