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Morning on Galapados (Free verse) by Mikius

The sun rises Red as fresh blood It cuts the night And calls the day On the mountain The companions Treading snow Travel on As they move off Deep in the snow Thier spirits lift With the dawn The first rays Caress the mountain Like a lover Knowing all the roads And the sunlight pours Like liquid gold Across the slopes Gently kissing the snow The light comes Bright hope Piercing the darkness To bring the dawn

nentwined 4-Oct-06/5:49 PM
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.




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