Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Shuushin 65.175.179.197	4-Oct-06/6:57 PM
yep, I hate when I throw up words, especially "why" let the words do a little of the work - there are too many here, methinks.
Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus	Shuushin 65.175.179.197	4-Oct-06/6:54 PM
I read virginal as "vaginal", go figure.
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:32 PM
meh.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:30 PM
Hmmzor.
Re: Weather poem part 5: the cold dusk by nypoet22	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:26 PM
I disagree on the "Everyone cries gently". Some people cry only violently. Same with laughter. It can be frightening. Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.
Re: Dedication by MissUnderstood	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:25 PM
simple, but, er, trite. You've got a flow, I'll give you that, though the yoda speak is ... twisted. Are you killing yourself? If not, what have you done to mend the shredded remains of a treasured friend? At least, the way you've phrased it, you're implying you've done something _towards_ mending things.
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:17 PM
funny :)
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:16 PM
hmm... huh?
Re: Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:14 PM
cute. liking this.
Re: I've thought a lot by MacFrantic	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:13 PM
odd. interesting. oddly convoluted in manner, which doesn't seem to suit the piece (except by way of example, but generally it's best not to give so strong an example of self-reference with something negative).
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:10 PM
p'raps. I'm agreeing with Ranger--this feels cheap and confused. Not to put words in Ranger's mouth ;)
Re: Pity me. by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
Okay, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks. :)
Re: Dead Poets' Society (Joke) by Yardbird	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
who's <- whose! cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?
Re: Hazy days by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:04 PM
who's <-- whose who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"
Re: A Little Life by Tom Colebrooke	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:02 PM
fly's <-- flies cann't <-- can't cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/
Re: Flamin Monkey's by Blade	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:59 PM
's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's". You slay me. cute, ish.
Re: Shark by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:57 PM
I think you should split "My body rises and dives / UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN" into "My body rises / UP UP UP / and dives / DOWN DOWN DOWN" I actually ... this is funny, and not annoying.
Re: Ode to the unwanted chip by deadstar	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:56 PM
funny.
Re: The Gunfighter by deadstar	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:55 PM
eh
Re: School. by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:54 PM
eh.