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Untitled (Free verse) by PunkyPanda
My life reminds me much of a child, running through a meadow, with a smile from ear to ear, gaspy giggles, everything's perfect...they're safe. Then, it all ends, so quickly, the happiness, the laughter, the smiling...all that begins is a distant cry...just a dry cry, no tears, the pain is trying to come out, but all that's coming out is the blood from the scab...the child tripped, so quickly...tripped over a rock. My fears remind me of that rock...ending my happiness all at once, without warning...the scab reminds me of how much pain flows out of me, but no one offers a hand...the silent cry...reminds me of my silent cries for help...the one's I disguise with smiles and laughs...when will someone offer to help...just as someone would offer a hand to the wounded child and would carry them to safety...when will someone carry me to safety?

Up the ladder: untitled
Down the ladder: advice

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.865529
Overall Rank: 10362
Posted: September 29, 2006 4:35 PM PDT; Last modified: September 29, 2006 4:35 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] nypoet22 @ 65.2.216.112 | 30-Sep-06/7:09 AM | Reply
this seems more like outright prose than a prose poem. it's gentle and meaningful, but i'm just not sure that it carries its weight without an essay or story attached. it's a good read.
[7] Fayt @ 71.166.77.211 > nypoet22 | 30-Sep-06/11:22 PM | Reply
agreed completely
[2] nentwined @ 68.232.253.122 | 4-Oct-06/6:32 PM | Reply
meh.
[6] Shuushin @ 65.175.179.197 | 4-Oct-06/6:59 PM | Reply
a scab implies a healing wound, no?

I'd like to see this said with fewer, more powerful imagery.
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