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A Nation (Free verse) by the_poetess I used to think communism was evil
but that was back when
McCarthy was just a name
red went with blue and white
and I desperatley wanted to be Chinese so I could have straight silky
hair
I think I know more now
I think that I know that communism
is a dream that is good
I think that I know that Mao
wasn't true to Marxism
and that Stalin
was just a paranoid looney
but we also thought that we knew that we were safe in America
and that we would never suffer because of Hiroshima
we thought that nuclear weapons were fun and amazing
but thats what the Greeks thought of Vesuvius
when I close my eyes and look into
the future it's not hard to imagine
the entire world
frozen still
by one large mushroom cloud over the sky
far more terrifying than any volcanoe
Einstein was right the second time
but he was also outspoken and lonely
are we willing to risk that
I'm not
I don't want to die hungry for life
I want to live the American dream without feeling guilty
I want to find my ancestors in the stars
America is coming undone, she's unraveling
in this rootless nation
no one has any anchors; we're just clinging onto
whatever we find
no wonder so many drown
Arogant and Ignorant, there's land up ahead but
we'd rather be drifters
than a third world nation
Up the ladder:
swallow it
Down the ladder:
FIVE LOAVES AND TWO FISH
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: March 8, 2005 6:38 PM PST; Last modified: March 8, 2005 6:40 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.865529 Overall Rank: 10368 Comments:
lol, America coming undone? I like how you started this, but it was too long and detailed and I believe you lost your own point along the way. -7- Because there was some thought and attempts at being poetic here, but mainly because you did some of your homework. But mostly this comes off as the rantings of someone who thinks they understand whats going on in life, but in all actually doesn't.
you know, you are probably very near the mark when you say that......i do have a habit of going to long and getting too detailed......but i think my point may be just an aim in the dark at the truth because thats all i was looking for when i rote this.......and you are correct again when you that i dont understand life............i havent lived nearly enough of it yet to have any real idea what im talking about, but i try and hope that when and if i ever do understand i will know enough to be able to share that with others.............
-emili
You can't even spell "arogant" right you shittle.
But don't worry, communists love to milk the slower herdlings.
you know i really fail to see the relevance between spelling and what expletives may be applied to me
and you dont really know what your talking about which is sad because at the heart of communism is one of the best ideas ever come up with, mainly, that each person does what they can and gets what the need the problem is that as a human race, we are not pious, satisfied, or driven to do work when we dont have, myself and yourself included please think before you sound ignorant, i am sure you are not or you wouldnt be pursuing a poetry site anyway -emili
Of course you don't, otherwise you'd learn how to spell? Do you always come off as a pair of unworn chaps, or is that just your idea of a poetic haircut? See the problem with communism is simple, I don't like peasants, so why in the fuck should I support their lack of creativity, or individuality? I'd rather be a seperatist, or a fascist, and let them starve.
Definitely one of your better posts; I'd cut it after "Vesuvius". I think it would be rather good if you cut it after "Vesuvius", actually. :)
intersting.........do you think the end could stand on its own as its own poem,(the last three verses) or would you say that the first part is the only good part
-emili
The first part is a more interesting approach; the last bit is both preachier and more generic.
The first part is simple, but that works well for it; large ideas are often better told from a childlike point of view. :)
you make a good point, and i will keep that in mind
thankyou for being able to criticize without being rude or negative....... -emili
Nearly a decade of active practice on that, and I still hit the wrong tone sometimes. :)
Often on the ranker it's hard to tell whether someone's just taking a piss and waiting for you to try to take them too seriously.
compltely agreed
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but as a human i agree.
what country do you come from
just wondering
if you dont want to say that is fine
and i do love america but i hate it to, is that strange or uniquely american (most of my friends agree)
-emili
Its not that i have anything against america per-say,
perhaps its just the goverment i have a serious issue with.
I dont find it strange to love yet hate your country,
i honestly do love my own, but then we have it much easier over here.
~Autumn
canada, huh, i actually have family there, but i've never met them
you have such a pretty name, just saying
-emili