The Tale Of Marietta And The Hornbag Priest (v.1) (Prose Poem) by Edna Sweetlove
Naughty Marietta sucked her thumb thoughtfully as she put down her copy
of âJungian Self-Analysis for Dummiesâ. She was astounded. All her
life she had seen herself as sweet and innocent. Now she knew
differently. She realised that she had been inadvertently tempting men
by the provocative way she had been flaunting her delicious body. She
finally understood what her best friend, Emily, had meant when she
called her a cock-teasing mother-fucking bitch. Marietta felt ashamed of
her behaviour and withdrew her hand from her panties where she had been
toying with herself meditatively.
She put on her primmest clothes, carefully avoiding the short
skirts which exposed most of her tanned buns, rejecting the skin-tight T-
shirts with their satirical slogans (âMy Dad went to London and all he
brought me back was a 12 inch dildoâ, âSuck hereâ, âBlowjobs R
Usâ) and donning metaphorical sackcloth and ashes. She drove to the
church sedately. She would make a full confession to her priest.
Inside the church, with its sweet smell of incense and unwashed
choirboys cheesy cocks, she strode purposively up to the confessional. â
Father MâBongeau is IN,â read the sign and in she went, dropping
reverentially to her knees.
âI want to make a full confession, Father,â she intoned.
âCertainly, my child. How long is it since your last confession?â
âThree years, Father.â
âDear, dear me, I expect you have committed a lot of sins in that
time, such a tasty piece of stuff, I mean such an attractive young lady
as you.â And she heard a sound which sounded like the licking of lips.
Perhaps Father MâBongeau must be thirsty, she wondered artlessly. â
So letâs start at the beginning,â prompted the priest.
`Forgive me Father, for I have sinned grievously in thought, word
and deed. I have erred most wickedly and I have strayed from Godâs
ways like a lost sheepâ¦â
âCut the generalities, Marietta, and go for the specifics, or weâ
ll be here all fucking day.â
âWell, I have tempted men by exposing my lovely body. I caused a
lorry driver to crash into a tree by driving along the A44 in my Audi
convertible without any knickers on. I tempted Plump Peter the Peeping
Pervert to spy on me with his telescopic camera and I fired a crossbow
at him, doing him serious facial harm. I provoked Victor the One-Legged
Virginal Voyeur to try and look up my skirt by telling him I never wore
knickers and then I broke his nose with a stone from my catapult.â She
heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the grille and
what sounded like a zipper being unfastened.
âAnything else, you little tart, I mean my child? Anything a bit
naughtier, I mean more sinful? Socki it to me, you little slag.â
âWell, I stabbed my Bulgarian dentist in the buttock with a
scalpel when he made a pass at me. I thought he wanted to put his prick
in my mouth when he only meant his hypodermic needle. And I wore such a
tight dress that your colleague, Father Tucker, had an orgasm on his
cassock. And Iâ¦â
The bass voice from behind the grille said, âYes, yes, all of this
is reprehensible, but itâs not exactly wicked or sinful. Have you no
really disgusting sexual acts to confess, my child? Come on, help me get
my fucking rocks off."
âNo, of course not. I have never had a serious boy friend and I am
keeping my virginity for marriage, Father.â
âWhat? Youâre a virgin? Are you taking the piss out of me, you
âOf course, I am a good Catholic girl.â
âWhat about self-abuse?â
âWell, Father, I frequently diddle myself, but I never actually,
âWhat? Spit it out, my child.â
âWell, you know, Father, I never actually go all the way with
myself. Except accidentally.â
There was a momentâs silence from behind the grille. Marietta
heard some rustling and groaning and then the grille between her and the
priest opened. And guess what? A huge erect black penis popped out right
in her face. She stared at it. It was enormous and shiny and totally gob-
âYour penance is to suck on that, Marietta. Suck on it R*E*A*L
hard and I shall pray for your soul as you do so,â ordered the randy
cleric imperiously in a deep voice. 'And remember, it is better to
swallow than to spit.'
And so Marietta did as she was told and soon she got a lovely
mouthful, tastier than Ben and Jerryâs Vanilla with Gorgonzola and
Double Jersey Clotted, which happened to be her very favourite flavour
of ice cream. âYummy, yummy,â said Naughty Marietta as she swallowed
eagerly. âOooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes!â bellowed Father Mâ
Bongeau in religious ecstasy, 'Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'
And then the huge ebony willy was withdrawn and the priest gave them
both absolution for their sins and he told her not to transgress again,
but if she did, she was to be certain to bring her confession to him
personally, as he was an expert in absolution.
Naughty Marietta left the church, her soul lighter and free from all
stains of sin; she licked her lips pensively and was surprised to find
that her panties were absolutely dripping wet. As wet as Bognor Regis on
a Bank Holiday.
When she got to her car, she was enraged to find that the local
traffic warden, Miss Nasty, had given her a Â£50 parking ticket. âFuck
you, you fat old dyke,â she yelled at the departing back of the
departing meter maid, who she realised had once felt her arse at a bus
stop when she was only 15. Naughty Marietta decided she had had enough
of being a cock-tease. Now she was going to shag for Britain.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.4042554
Posted: August 24, 2006 8:15 AM PDT; Last modified: August 24, 2006 8:15 AM PDT
Weighted score: 7.4042406
Overall Rank: 4
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