Re: Always there by holliebollie_19	holliebollie_19 76.181.20.240	17-Apr-07/3:57 PM
It is sort of like a song.
Re: a comment on He's... by holliebollie_19	holliebollie_19 76.181.20.240	17-Apr-07/3:55 PM
ya i try to
Re: a comment on View From The Gutter by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.128.106	17-Apr-07/3:21 PM
Tell me what hasn't been done before? Don't we just inhale, and exhale the same stuff, hoping to maybe create smoke rings or balloon animals to wow the audience? *sigh* so jaded are the onlookers...
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.8.70.150	17-Apr-07/1:41 PM
A hive of children Await snow for snow angels, mourn the shrinking sun.
Re: A twisted Trail in Eden’s Garden by Dovina	bwaha 216.162.88.130	17-Apr-07/7:23 AM
I love the strong, vivid language you use in this. That can be easy to overdue, but you have struck a near perfect balance here, I think. This takes a very...sensual approach to something that most people gloss over or take for granted, I think. I like it a lot.
Re: broken bottles by richa	bwaha 216.162.88.130	17-Apr-07/7:19 AM
I think your first verse is the strongest here. It is simplistic and beautiful and powerful. Bit confused about the connection to albatross, though.
Re: Amputee by INTRANSIT	bwaha 216.162.88.130	17-Apr-07/7:16 AM
Love the simplicity in this. The imagery is powerful though. A lot of attempts to end a piece in sardonic wit are trite or overdone but this entire thing flows from start to finish without a hitch. I like it alot.
Re: Lifes edge by donmiguel1960	donmiguel1960 69.120.223.250	17-Apr-07/3:27 AM
Life
Re: Broken Clay by donmiguel1960	Dovina 75.82.86.162	16-Apr-07/7:04 PM
There's a good sentiment here that could be a good poem. Get rid of half the commas (faith, that - for example); clean up the grammar; and get rid of excess words (now in the last line, just in the penultimate line) and fix the spelling - families, their.
Re: Divorce by timvick473662003	Dovina 75.82.86.162	16-Apr-07/6:56 PM
Wouldn't it mean the same if you shortened it: Start separately Become one She takes all your stuff But then it wouldn't be 5-7-5. Pity.
Re: a comment on Quatrain by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	16-Apr-07/6:16 PM
i think no title is best on this.
Re: Quatrain by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	16-Apr-07/6:14 PM
hmmm. lose the "so" in line 3. it just doesn't work somehow. i like where this goes, and it opens a host of discussion points about humanity, good and evil, etc. maybe the last word should be "sin", and then we can really throw some fuel on the fire, eh?
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	lmp 141.154.134.3	16-Apr-07/6:09 PM
i cannot see any reason why this line should read as such: "new doors He opens" there is no rhyme that it is matching up with, but the effect of the flow is rather devastating. perhaps rework it to a more "normalized" sytax?
Re: Sympathy by Miggy	donmiguel1960 167.206.79.227	16-Apr-07/3:48 PM
I like it
Re: More and more Shuushin by mr cunt	donmiguel1960 167.206.79.227	16-Apr-07/3:47 PM
there is no point or thought in this
Re: Prince of Void by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	16-Apr-07/4:02 AM
Why is everyone writing rubish poems about other users all of a sudden they're not funny, or clever, or good. It is a practice I will be mentioning to nentwined in our next conference call on the future of this website. We are currently planning to go for an IPO in the Summer on the proviso we can get rid of some of the more stale old crones who haunt the halls of this institution.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	Ranger 86.145.26.190	16-Apr-07/1:49 AM
Still good, what was changed? You might want to trim a few commas - and richa's got a point about the 'tears shed' line. If you were to enjamb that line it would help the stanza flow a bit more as well.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	Dovina 75.51.248.14	15-Apr-07/1:21 PM
I think you want a period after bed in S4. L2,S5 needs a more descriptive last word I think; and "so" is a weak word. Otherwise this is unique and good.
Re: a comment on Prince of Void by Dovina	Dovina 75.51.248.14	15-Apr-07/1:10 PM
mocking the prince's void, showing it as here and there, to and fro.
Re: Prince of Void by Dovina	bwaha 64.12.116.9	14-Apr-07/9:08 PM
How does something "[mock] to and fro"?...That line confuses me, slightly.