Re: Easter by thetrev	Dovina 75.82.86.162	14-Apr-07/6:39 PM
Just vague enough to keep distance, clear enough to intrigue. I love S4.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	richa 81.179.247.122	14-Apr-07/7:42 AM
I like this. Of the two refrains 'my favourite lover, English, is great in bed' is by far the best. A couple of places where it loses its discipline. 'I pity romancers who have tears shed' is forced. And the fifth verse isn't as good as the others.
Re: a comment on Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	bwaha 64.12.116.5	13-Apr-07/9:44 PM
....Wait, what? (not that I take offence to being called a nut - I am - but what prompted this, just wondering. Also, I am thoroughly confused by your suggestion to fix my weblog thing....)
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	13-Apr-07/8:11 PM
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.
Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP	bwaha 152.163.101.19	13-Apr-07/12:58 PM
The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect. The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow. Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler. The idea is cute though.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-07/7:27 AM
Now then this is odd; I went to the cinema in Fulham on Monday and stood in the queue behind the actor who played Tinker, I was off to see 300 and he was going to see days of glory which is a French film. However there was no sign of Eric Catchpole. Lovejoy went downhill when they got that ethnic involved and you didn't see Lovejoy's daughter who went to a "posh" boarding school.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	12-Apr-07/7:06 AM
McShane sold out to Hollywood. He plays Al Swearengen in the extremely popular "Deadwood". I guess he's as good as dead, but could be revived if he returned for a feature length, digitally remastered "Lovejoy: The Revenge" film.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-07/6:31 AM
Kabadi was shown on Channel 4 on Sunday afternoons. If you were clever, which I was, you could turn on the idiot lantern and watch the Waltons, Little House on the Prairie, luncheon on some form of beeves, and then straight onto Kabadi before a spot of Highway to Heaven, Songs of Praise, Antiques Roadshow and Lovejoy. I for one struggle to think of a culture or ethnicity not encompassed by such visual delights. Sadly television has lost its way since Harry Secombe, Ian McShane and Michael Landon died.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 217.36.49.166	12-Apr-07/5:14 AM
I watched kabadi as a youth, which is why I know so much about ethnics. Wasn't it on that Saturday morning channel 4 programme called "Transworld Sport" or something?
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-07/2:18 AM
As you have not had the benefit of Channel 4 ethnic sports in your youth I will explain the rules: In essence one team member goes out and has a lamb faal the night before the match. He/she must then wander around a patch of dirt whilst shouting Kabadi to proving he/she isn't breathing in. The opposition team make a chain of hands and try and touch the ethnic before he/she shits themselves. Anyone tarnished by an ethnic splatter has to swap teams. The winner is the team member that dies last of dysentery. This game was less popular under colonial rule, but since they the middle temple fakir made some salt they are play it all the time. Currently the HSBC call centre team tops the Kabadi league. However non-league games are more exciting as there is less corruption (A number of funnels and centrifuges were found in the AVIVA call centre second fifteen which were used to enhance the projection and range of the ethnic splatter) hence my comment comparing a non-league game of Kabadi with this magnificent poem.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	half.italian 76.172.249.205	12-Apr-07/12:30 AM
I actually like the smut factor. :) In fact, the words "planting" and "birthing" grounded me from my fantasy for a moment. With or without...sexy poem.
Re: a comment on Taste of Ash (A long project barely beginning) by sliver	sliver 209.248.115.61	11-Apr-07/8:09 PM
Is this an answer to your question?
Re: A touch so real by mr_ice55	Dovina 208.127.114.27	11-Apr-07/7:02 PM
If you want the opening to draw people in, then make it make sense like, "Subsiding within myself" Also, reversing the normal order of sentences in two of the last three lines could better be undone. Some good feelings here overall.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.114.254	11-Apr-07/10:37 AM
Glad to see you finally got that thing stopped; must have been a long haul. I resent being asked to trim the fat which Stephen so adores, but yes, old architecture and mystery kinda go together without saying so. Actually, this is about her endless talking, which DA so loves, while most men would rather get on with the main event, so the whole thing rambles a bit. Thanks for stopping in a spell.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.114.254	11-Apr-07/10:36 AM
It really is a kind of smut, as DA says, and maybe these lines make it too obvious. I’ll consider toning it down for delicate sensibilities.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.114.254	11-Apr-07/10:35 AM
I have never watched kabaddi; it must be very exciting.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.114.254	11-Apr-07/10:35 AM
Poetry is my excuse to disgust the world with any damn thing I want.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.114.254	11-Apr-07/10:34 AM
Actually lets are British traders who talk of starts and stops. This poem is all about international commerce. http://www.letslinkuk.net/
Re: Eleven Reasons For Love by horus8	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	11-Apr-07/9:23 AM
Yo, Horus. Scramble this like eggs, lose the numeration, smatter the questions, and watch it fly.
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	INTRANSIT 65.29.60.146	11-Apr-07/8:56 AM
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas. S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is. I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.