poemranker ::Tribeca by Dovina

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 151360

Tribeca

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 6 Apr 2007 · 16 comments

Old architecture, mystery too Tribeca’s where you noticed me found my home and thought it fine to come inside And feeling noticed, I welcomed you It’s spring again and I’m beside you hips slightly over yours a consequence of bipeds given two legs to stand erect The birth canal, you know widened in the standing sockets spread apart So here we are connected Lets talk of starts and stops of how it came to be and when it all might end Settle down and talk of life and wonders in the cosmos and wagers on our joining two varieties yours for planting mine for birthing So please relax awhile and talk to me of strings And quantum states And relative points of view It all connects inside as forces set to aid a process procure our next of kin I provide a setting you, a thought together in a nutshell let it grow and let us know from this exciting point of view a bit of history seldom told

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.80 weighted 5.21 rank 4392 views 250 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

16 comments

[8] Ranger 7-Apr-07/6:26 AM Reply
'a consequence of bipeds...' is the best part of this poeme. Do you want the grammar nazi? He's here anyway: line 14 wants an apostrophe in "let's". I'm feeling pedantic today. I won't apologise, and besides, I have to return to my revision :(
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 11-Apr-07/10:34 AM Reply
Actually lets are British traders who talk of starts and stops. This poem is all about international commerce.
http://www.letslinkuk.net/
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 8-Apr-07/6:08 AM Reply
Poetry isn't just an excuse for you to tell the world about your disgusting and warped sex life. There's a name for that kind of thing, and it isn't Art. It's Smut.
[n/a] Dovina › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 11-Apr-07/10:35 AM Reply
Poetry is my excuse to disgust the world with any damn thing I want.
[10] Stephen Robins 10-Apr-07/5:15 AM Reply
As excellent as watching a nnon-league game of Kabadi.
[n/a] Dovina › Stephen Robins 11-Apr-07/10:35 AM Reply
I have never watched kabaddi; it must be very exciting.
[10] Stephen Robins › Dovina 12-Apr-07/2:18 AM Reply
As you have not had the benefit of Channel 4 ethnic sports in your youth I will explain the rules:

In essence one team member goes out and has a lamb faal the night before the match. He/she must then wander around a patch of dirt whilst shouting Kabadi to proving he/she isn't breathing in. The opposition team make a chain of hands and try and touch the ethnic before he/she shits themselves. Anyone tarnished by an ethnic splatter has to swap teams. The winner is the team member that dies last of dysentery.

This game was less popular under colonial rule, but since they the middle temple fakir made some salt they are play it all the time. Currently the HSBC call centre team tops the Kabadi league. However non-league games are more exciting as there is less corruption (A number of funnels and centrifuges were found in the AVIVA call centre second fifteen which were used to enhance the projection and range of the ethnic splatter) hence my comment comparing a non-league game of Kabadi with this magnificent poem.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Stephen Robins 12-Apr-07/5:14 AM Reply
I watched kabadi as a youth, which is why I know so much about ethnics. Wasn't it on that Saturday morning channel 4 programme called "Transworld Sport" or something?
[10] Stephen Robins › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-Apr-07/6:31 AM Reply
Kabadi was shown on Channel 4 on Sunday afternoons. If you were clever, which I was, you could turn on the idiot lantern and watch the Waltons, Little House on the Prairie, luncheon on some form of beeves, and then straight onto Kabadi before a spot of Highway to Heaven, Songs of Praise, Antiques Roadshow and Lovejoy.

I for one struggle to think of a culture or ethnicity not encompassed by such visual delights. Sadly television has lost its way since Harry Secombe, Ian McShane and Michael Landon died.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Stephen Robins 12-Apr-07/7:06 AM Reply
McShane sold out to Hollywood. He plays Al Swearengen in the extremely popular "Deadwood". I guess he's as good as dead, but could be revived if he returned for a feature length, digitally remastered "Lovejoy: The Revenge" film.
[10] Stephen Robins › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-Apr-07/7:27 AM Reply
Now then this is odd; I went to the cinema in Fulham on Monday and stood in the queue behind the actor who played Tinker, I was off to see 300 and he was going to see days of glory which is a French film. However there was no sign of Eric Catchpole.

Lovejoy went downhill when they got that ethnic involved and you didn't see Lovejoy's daughter who went to a "posh" boarding school.
[8] half.italian 11-Apr-07/1:13 AM Reply
Think about changing the end of stanza 4. I have a picture in my head until those last two lines, and there it's disrupted. It makes sense, sensically, it just draws me out for some reason.

Cool poem.
[n/a] Dovina › half.italian 11-Apr-07/10:36 AM Reply
It really is a kind of smut, as DA says, and maybe these lines make it too obvious. I’ll consider toning it down for delicate sensibilities.
[8] half.italian › Dovina 12-Apr-07/12:30 AM Reply
I actually like the smut factor. :) In fact, the words "planting" and "birthing" grounded me from my fantasy for a moment. With or without...sexy poem.
[8] INTRANSIT 11-Apr-07/8:56 AM Reply
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas.
S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is.

I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
[n/a] Dovina › INTRANSIT 11-Apr-07/10:37 AM Reply
Glad to see you finally got that thing stopped; must have been a long haul.

I resent being asked to trim the fat which Stephen so adores, but yes, old architecture and mystery kinda go together without saying so. Actually, this is about her endless talking, which DA so loves, while most men would rather get on with the main event, so the whole thing rambles a bit.

Thanks for stopping in a spell.