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Tribeca (Free verse) by Dovina Old architecture, mystery too
Tribecaâs where you noticed me
found my home
and thought it fine to come inside
And feeling noticed, I welcomed you
Itâs spring again and Iâm beside you
hips slightly over yours
a consequence of bipeds
given two legs to stand erect
The birth canal, you know
widened in the standing
sockets spread apart
So here we are connected
Lets talk of starts and stops
of how it came to be
and when it all might end
Settle down and talk of life
and wonders in the cosmos
and wagers on our joining
two varieties
yours for planting
mine for birthing
So please relax awhile
and talk to me of strings
And quantum states
And relative points of view
It all connects inside
as forces set to aid a process
procure our next of kin
I provide a setting
you, a thought
together in a nutshell
let it grow and let us know
from this exciting point of view
a bit of history seldom told
Up the ladder:
Magnetic Time
Down the ladder:
The Big Stupid Dink :) :)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: April 6, 2007 7:19 AM PDT; Last modified: April 6, 2007 7:19 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4389 Comments:
Poetry isn't just an excuse for you to tell the world about your disgusting and warped sex life. There's a name for that kind of thing, and it isn't Art. It's Smut.
Poetry is my excuse to disgust the world with any damn thing I want.
As excellent as watching a nnon-league game of Kabadi.
I have never watched kabaddi; it must be very exciting.
As you have not had the benefit of Channel 4 ethnic sports in your youth I will explain the rules:
In essence one team member goes out and has a lamb faal the night before the match. He/she must then wander around a patch of dirt whilst shouting Kabadi to proving he/she isn't breathing in. The opposition team make a chain of hands and try and touch the ethnic before he/she shits themselves. Anyone tarnished by an ethnic splatter has to swap teams. The winner is the team member that dies last of dysentery. This game was less popular under colonial rule, but since they the middle temple fakir made some salt they are play it all the time. Currently the HSBC call centre team tops the Kabadi league. However non-league games are more exciting as there is less corruption (A number of funnels and centrifuges were found in the AVIVA call centre second fifteen which were used to enhance the projection and range of the ethnic splatter) hence my comment comparing a non-league game of Kabadi with this magnificent poem.
I watched kabadi as a youth, which is why I know so much about ethnics. Wasn't it on that Saturday morning channel 4 programme called "Transworld Sport" or something?
Kabadi was shown on Channel 4 on Sunday afternoons. If you were clever, which I was, you could turn on the idiot lantern and watch the Waltons, Little House on the Prairie, luncheon on some form of beeves, and then straight onto Kabadi before a spot of Highway to Heaven, Songs of Praise, Antiques Roadshow and Lovejoy.
I for one struggle to think of a culture or ethnicity not encompassed by such visual delights. Sadly television has lost its way since Harry Secombe, Ian McShane and Michael Landon died.
McShane sold out to Hollywood. He plays Al Swearengen in the extremely popular "Deadwood". I guess he's as good as dead, but could be revived if he returned for a feature length, digitally remastered "Lovejoy: The Revenge" film.
Now then this is odd; I went to the cinema in Fulham on Monday and stood in the queue behind the actor who played Tinker, I was off to see 300 and he was going to see days of glory which is a French film. However there was no sign of Eric Catchpole.
Lovejoy went downhill when they got that ethnic involved and you didn't see Lovejoy's daughter who went to a "posh" boarding school.
Think about changing the end of stanza 4. I have a picture in my head until those last two lines, and there it's disrupted. It makes sense, sensically, it just draws me out for some reason.
Cool poem.
It really is a kind of smut, as DA says, and maybe these lines make it too obvious. Iâll consider toning it down for delicate sensibilities.
I actually like the smut factor. :) In fact, the words "planting" and "birthing" grounded me from my fantasy for a moment. With or without...sexy poem.
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas.
S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is. I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
Glad to see you finally got that thing stopped; must have been a long haul.
I resent being asked to trim the fat which Stephen so adores, but yes, old architecture and mystery kinda go together without saying so. Actually, this is about her endless talking, which DA so loves, while most men would rather get on with the main event, so the whole thing rambles a bit. Thanks for stopping in a spell. 250 view(s)
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