Stephen Robins12 Apr 2007

As you have not had the benefit of Channel 4 ethnic sports in your youth I will explain the rules:

In essence one team member goes out and has a lamb faal the night before the match. He/she must then wander around a patch of dirt whilst shouting Kabadi to proving he/she isn't breathing in. The opposition team make a chain of hands and try and touch the ethnic before he/she shits themselves. Anyone tarnished by an ethnic splatter has to swap teams. The winner is the team member that dies last of dysentery.

This game was less popular under colonial rule, but since they the middle temple fakir made some salt they are play it all the time. Currently the HSBC call centre team tops the Kabadi league. However non-league games are more exciting as there is less corruption (A number of funnels and centrifuges were found in the AVIVA call centre second fifteen which were used to enhance the projection and range of the ethnic splatter) hence my comment comparing a non-league game of Kabadi with this magnificent poem.