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A touch so real (Free verse) by mr_ice55
Subside within myself Compelled to breathe once more Shadows open their arms Enclose and draw me in My fantasy this cannot be A touch so real A touch so revealing How can I stand before you? When your light shine’s through me My life I would surrender for you A passion unspeakable To your lips I hold close Not wanting your eyes to stray from mine Why does the sun pursue you? Why do tears fall with every thought of you? Consumed by your force My heart is dressed in you Destiny seems entwined Tomorrow is one more day I give to you Behind the glass window I watch the wind curve around your body Folding and submitting to your power My salvation I’ve found in you Eternity isn’t far away When we watch the clock together You are the wings that give me flight I would give up forever Just to feel you To feel our bodies attached For one more glance upon your beauty The sunrise I can see in your eyes The sunset I can feel in your lips Attached and combined forever

Up the ladder: A Trebuchet for Dreams

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9285
Posted: April 11, 2007 5:47 AM PDT; Last modified: April 11, 2007 5:47 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 208.127.114.27 | 11-Apr-07/7:02 PM | Reply
If you want the opening to draw people in, then make it make sense like, "Subsiding within myself" Also, reversing the normal order of sentences in two of the last three lines could better be undone. Some good feelings here overall.
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