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Sensually Literary Villanelle (Villanelle) by bwaha My favorite lover, English, is great in bed.
We embrace the lust, but keep the love at bay.
Why be a fool, when you can write instead?
Those girls who wait for their legs to be spread,
I love approaching them to smugly say,
"My favorite lover, English, is great in bed."
I pity romancers who have tears shed,
When all they really need is a good lay.
Why be a fool, when you can write instead?
Fidelity's better left for the dead.
If you donât think so, let me count each way,
My favorite lover, English, is great in bed,
Jealous types claim my heart is made of lead.
I laugh because their thoughts are so cliché.
Why be a fool, when you can write instead?
So what? You may think that I'm misled.
I donât care, long as at each end of day,
My favorite lover, English, is great in bed.
Why be a fool, when you can write instead?
Up the ladder:
ROAD BLOB!!!
Down the ladder:
A Garden Wall
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.6666665
Posted: March 26, 2006 12:49 PM PST; Last modified: April 13, 2007 12:33 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.717177 Overall Rank: 1907 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 12.72.25.146
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26-Mar-06/5:28 PM
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Reply
I've been a fool, and I've written instead, and I'm still a fool, easily led. I wish I could get it together like you have. Good Villanelle.
Not bad, but some lines are a little awkard and you stagger back and forth with the rhythm, e.g.:
"The girls waiting to have their legs spread/I like to walk . . ." "who have their tears shed"; etc. Most are easy enough to fix, really, by paying attention to the rhythm and watching for artificial-sounding inversions (e.g., instead of "who have their tears shed," could be something like "I pity the romancers who have shed/their tears when all they need is a good lay." That way, too, you retain the iambic pentameter w/out contorting the line. Clever, mostly, and fun.
Stanza 3 is hilarous, and the 2nd line of that stanza is pure genuis!
So, is this an attempt to change yourself, or do you really prefer books to men?
Nothing wrong with that. From everything I've heard, it seems to be easier to find a good book, although you're more likely to find a decent read than a decent man in the most popular section (guess who's in a bitter mood today =D )
Creative and entertaining. Excellent work.
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.
....Wait, what? (not that I take offence to being called a nut - I am - but what prompted this, just wondering. Also, I am thoroughly confused by your suggestion to fix my weblog thing....)
I like this. Of the two refrains 'my favourite lover, English, is great in bed' is by far the best. A couple of places where it loses its discipline. 'I pity romancers who have tears shed' is forced. And the fifth verse isn't as good as the others.
I think you want a period after bed in S4. L2,S5 needs a more descriptive last word I think; and "so" is a weak word. Otherwise this is unique and good.
Still good, what was changed?
You might want to trim a few commas - and richa's got a point about the 'tears shed' line. If you were to enjamb that line it would help the stanza flow a bit more as well.
This is awesome.
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