poemranker ::Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Villanelle № 141393

Sensually Literary Villanelle

by bwaha

Member since 2006 · Posted 26 Mar 2006 · Edited 13 Apr 2007 · 12 comments

My favorite lover, English, is great in bed. We embrace the lust, but keep the love at bay. Why be a fool, when you can write instead? Those girls who wait for their legs to be spread, I love approaching them to smugly say, "My favorite lover, English, is great in bed." I pity romancers who have tears shed, When all they really need is a good lay. Why be a fool, when you can write instead? Fidelity's better left for the dead. If you don’t think so, let me count each way, My favorite lover, English, is great in bed, Jealous types claim my heart is made of lead. I laugh because their thoughts are so cliché. Why be a fool, when you can write instead? So what? You may think that I'm misled. I don’t care, long as at each end of day, My favorite lover, English, is great in bed. Why be a fool, when you can write instead?

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.67 weighted 5.72 rank 1908 views 274 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

12 comments

[9] Dovina 26-Mar-06/5:28 PM Reply
I've been a fool, and I've written instead, and I'm still a fool, easily led. I wish I could get it together like you have. Good Villanelle.
[9] ecargo 27-Mar-06/12:19 PM Reply
Not bad, but some lines are a little awkard and you stagger back and forth with the rhythm, e.g.:

"The girls waiting to have their legs spread/I like to walk . . ." "who have their tears shed"; etc. Most are easy enough to fix, really, by paying attention to the rhythm and watching for artificial-sounding inversions (e.g., instead of "who have their tears shed," could be something like "I pity the romancers who have shed/their tears when all they need is a good lay." That way, too, you retain the iambic pentameter w/out contorting the line.

Clever, mostly, and fun.
[9] Ranger 30-Mar-06/1:55 PM Reply
Stanza 3 is hilarous, and the 2nd line of that stanza is pure genuis!
[9] Dovina 30-Mar-06/6:48 PM Reply
So, is this an attempt to change yourself, or do you really prefer books to men?
[9] Ranger › Dovina 3-Apr-06/4:00 AM Reply
Nothing wrong with that. From everything I've heard, it seems to be easier to find a good book, although you're more likely to find a decent read than a decent man in the most popular section (guess who's in a bitter mood today =D )
[9] deleted user 10-Dec-06/3:11 PM Reply
Creative and entertaining. Excellent work.
[9] INTRANSIT 13-Apr-07/8:11 PM Reply
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.
[n/a] bwaha › INTRANSIT 13-Apr-07/9:44 PM Reply
....Wait, what? (not that I take offence to being called a nut - I am - but what prompted this, just wondering. Also, I am thoroughly confused by your suggestion to fix my weblog thing....)
[9] richa 14-Apr-07/7:42 AM Reply
I like this. Of the two refrains 'my favourite lover, English, is great in bed' is by far the best. A couple of places where it loses its discipline. 'I pity romancers who have tears shed' is forced. And the fifth verse isn't as good as the others.
[9] Dovina 15-Apr-07/1:21 PM Reply
I think you want a period after bed in S4. L2,S5 needs a more descriptive last word I think; and "so" is a weak word. Otherwise this is unique and good.
[9] Ranger 16-Apr-07/1:49 AM Reply
Still good, what was changed?

You might want to trim a few commas - and richa's got a point about the 'tears shed' line. If you were to enjamb that line it would help the stanza flow a bit more as well.
[10] Stephen Robins 19-Apr-07/8:51 AM Reply
This is awesome.