| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Makin' Bacon (Free verse) by NICKDRP It's early, yes i know
But it's Sunday and it snowed
What to eat, let me see
Makin' bacon, I agree.
Sausages or cereal, they're all good
But today it's bacon, we all should
The smell, the sizzle, I'm ready to eat
Makin' bacon sure is neat.
Up the ladder:
Coward has a tail
Down the ladder:
A LOVERâS TORMENT
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: April 10, 2007 6:19 PM PDT; Last modified: April 10, 2007 6:19 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2689414 Overall Rank: 3883 Comments:
[n/a]
NICKDRP @ 67.68.62.83
|
10-Apr-07/6:19 PM
|
Reply
Its a great Canadian Sunday morning!
The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect.
The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow. Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler. The idea is cute though.
I think that "neat" is the perfect word to end this on. Not only is it a juvenile complement to the whimsy of this piece, the conotation is just as Leave-it-to-Beaver, 50's-ish as a the very bacon breakfast of which you speak.
Thank you EAger...cheers
Kinda reminds me of a Dr. Suess.
this poem is amazing!!!
I love it...well done!!!!
I bet the guy who wrote this is an amazing person and really great looking....what a hottie!
Its been years..and i know
making bacon can be slow all you comments all your slurs means nothing..as we know snow and sleet sunday morn family love to talk and eat its all about the sizzle and not the meat when will you all learn stop analyzing the repeat off we go, making the bun tomato and cheese its all about fun good bye for good..love you all :)
Its been years..and i know
making bacon can be slow all you comments all your slurs means nothing..as we know snow and sleet sunday morn family love to talk and eat its all about the sizzle and not the meat when will you all learn stop analyzing the repeat off we go, making the bun tomato and cheese its all about fun good bye for good..love you all :) 135 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
