Replying to a comment on:

Makin' Bacon (Free verse) by NICKDRP

It's early, yes i know But it's Sunday and it snowed What to eat, let me see Makin' bacon, I agree. Sausages or cereal, they're all good But today it's bacon, we all should The smell, the sizzle, I'm ready to eat Makin' bacon sure is neat.

bwaha 13-Apr-07/12:58 PM
The first verse has very good rhythm. The worlds flow naturally, and I really like it. Only thing I would say to maybe change is "it snowed" to "there's snow" because then your rhyme is more perfect.

The second verse looses the flow of the first, though. One thing to keep in mind when writing rhyming poems is to count syllables. Frequently (though not always) the closer the syllable counts in your lines are, the better the poem will flow.

Also, this poem is obviously meant to be light hearted and fun, but even still...neat? Reading the first verse, I would assume I was dealing with a playful adult. But the second verse makes me feel like I am talking to a creative, yet unskilled grade schooler.

The idea is cute though.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001