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View From The Gutter (Free verse) by Skamper
her cracked heels bleed a crisscross pattern reflecting the worn expression hardened by mans obsession love payments by the hour downplaying emotion as she overplays the drama - the ego boost - offered with every stroke his splintered hands fumble traversing the scars overlain with silk following an ancient rhythm swaying towards the summit - all the while his mind-play games demand his manhood be the first to reach the peak with both feet fixed in filth she empties her mouth to send his seed spilling into the mix of yesterdays primordial soup and spit that swells and spirals in the gutter - damning it forever to the underground as she fights hard to forget - the scent that leaves her tongue lacking for taste

Up the ladder: Hard to Swallow
Down the ladder: Tale of a mermaid

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10060
Posted: April 1, 2007 3:29 PM PDT; Last modified: April 1, 2007 3:29 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Ranger @ 86.131.48.48 | 7-Apr-07/6:28 AM | Reply
The cracks and crisscrossing and other initial images made me think you were actually going to describe the tarmac of the street as a metaphor for all this. As it is, it's alright but has been done a lot before.
[n/a] Skamper @ 202.6.128.106 > Ranger | 17-Apr-07/3:21 PM | Reply
Tell me what hasn't been done before? Don't we just inhale, and exhale the same stuff, hoping to maybe create smoke rings or balloon animals to wow the audience? *sigh* so jaded are the onlookers...
[6] pete @ 62.56.90.230 | 15-Jun-07/6:38 AM | Reply
yesterday's primordial soup ... luvvitt ! too many words though (imho)
[n/a] Skamper @ 58.171.44.90 > pete | 19-Oct-07/5:30 AM | Reply
One of the first writes I have done - wordy - yes, for what I do now...but I can't change it...call me sentimental... :)
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