Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The King Of Loserville (Other) by mindsigns
It's winter time and it's friday night I've got the rental movie of my choice popping corn in the microwave provides the only noise I've got my chair positioned just so right I got a harpoon on my left Surround sound is impeccable God I wish there was more to it. I look around, I've got more paraphenilia than a million, billion Star Trek fans and my only friend in the world right now thinks I've gone completely mad I live each waking moment hoping for a slight reprieve then that cloud of reality lifts so I stare blindly at the TV. I think a lot about later in my life and my room at the nursing home will I still be able to dress and relieve myself? will I be all alone? will some cancer finally get to me? or will it be an attacking heart? or is this all just pointless thoughts? or will I play that part? I'm the King of Loserville I'm the pathetic prince I'd rather live in a shopping cart than up at the Ritz You'll find me in my basement pad Some think I need to get laid Still living with my mom and dad Probably till I'm old and gray.

Up the ladder: View From The Gutter
Down the ladder: Tale of a mermaid

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10072
Posted: March 6, 2006 5:39 AM PST; Last modified: March 6, 2006 5:39 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 6-Mar-06/9:14 AM | Reply
not sure how to vote yet (still cogitating), but aptly titled.
[7] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 6-Mar-06/9:53 AM | Reply
Figure out a way to kill three quarters of the "I"s and this'll get a lot better.
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 6-Mar-06/11:00 AM | Reply
'Some think I should get laid' would fit better.
[6] SupremeDreamer @ 130.65.109.104 | 7-Mar-06/9:18 AM | Reply
You should cut down on the use of "I" to a bare minimum. It creates a kind of drone within a poem, when used too much. Also, the way you describe this loser is cliche: trekkie, living with mom & pop, needs to get laid... Try to be a little more creative.

Overall, I give it a six.
[n/a] mindsigns @ 63.100.108.20 > SupremeDreamer | 7-Mar-06/10:33 PM | Reply
Unfortunately i wasn't trying to be cliche, it describes me to a tee , ( just replace Trek with Wars), everything else is pretty accurate. bummer
[6] SupremeDreamer @ 130.65.109.104 > mindsigns | 8-Mar-06/9:36 AM | Reply
Well, spice yourself up damn-it. Go to Vegas and do that thing.
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > SupremeDreamer | 8-Mar-06/9:38 AM | Reply
Star Wars was great up until Episode 2.
What did you think to Episode 3?
[n/a] mindsigns @ 63.100.108.20 > Ranger | 9-Mar-06/1:42 AM | Reply
3 was great, I could give or take 1 and 2, just start me off with 3 and plow right into the original trilogy
[n/a] mindsigns @ 63.100.108.20 > SupremeDreamer | 9-Mar-06/1:43 AM | Reply
Been there, done that...the problem is eventually i have to come back
202 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001