Dovina
on Jasmime by Lee Ho Chan
28 Nov 2004, 10:37 AM
Very real-sounding Chinese English voice. Too many redundant lines. Funny.
i'm not a big fan of long poems, but *your* poems are just too beautiful to miss.
my opinion on your poem:
curiousity killed the cat. that's why the black cat isn't there... you keep asking questions!
ps; love this poem ; good one.
i like how each line means the same thing, and yet you make it sound so beautiful. it's a peace poem. a nice breeze :)
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
27 Nov 2004, 6:42 PM
10/10!!!!! I love this poem! It is great! You are soo much better at all this then me! No fair! :) Let's hear some more-soon!
very cute.
quite whimsical and tranquil...
very nice.
i don't like the spacing...quite.
but you've got my 8.
morbidly unamusing.
SEEK OUT A NOVEL THEME! Don't be squelched by the waters of cliche! I know it's a temptation to resort to EASY, readymade topics...but it's not good.
Very nice imagery, though. You've got my six.
blindwriter
on Open my bum Oh Lord (Museheart parody) By Jesus Niggerstein by Bachus
28 Nov 2004, 2:33 AM
this is very disgusting.
any idiot can amuse the ants of the world by being a diabolical freak.
try something challenging.
that's a bit talented.
it's still freaking disgusting.
attempt something clean, please.
it's much easier to write freak-of-nature poetry than it is ordinary poetry...
it cuts half of the vocabulary out when you can't use perverted language.
my favorite of all of yours.
not quite as diabolical as the others.
and very full of imagery...
nice.
i actually like it.
you've got my 9.
WoW! its great
disconnected but flowing at the same time....nice
scary yat fascinating it gripped me the whole way through...thats good
last line???
the last one was the best but disgusting
really?? ....thats great
uhhh.no
As opposed to into Uranus?
I'm sorry but this is so ransacked with cliche,
and trite nonsense that it's practically a
zit cream commercial.
For instance:
"Rosebuds seem pale in your presence
even when wet with my tears"
Okay, what kind of fuck munch cries on a rose?
Do you normally walk into a garden and find a rose to water with your contrived tears of woe?
Your an ass.
"Emotions swell when you're near
yearning to be unfurled"
I love your language here.
Makes you sound like a black porn star
named Harry Homellete.
Make the punctuation consistant and the last two lines moire forceful. Otherwise good.