Into My World

How is this an acrostic? What do the first two lines mean? How does Snow White pale in one mirror more than in any mirror?

The last verse is nice.

Renee Blue Eyes. It's simple yet i fell that the words used were adequate in this instance. I think i particularly liked the first two and the last two lines. Well written, an acrostic that evokes emotion. But next time round, maybe you would like to stress upon certain lines. Good Work, an 8 over 10. And i did another one, review if you have the time.

Good poem about your feelings toward Renee. Last verse really says it.

Loved the Renee Blue Eyes down the side bit.

Acrusted

I especially like the last verse.. Good work here..

Lovely. I don't know why the first comment(ator?)(is that the word?) thought it was too sentimental. No no no. It's not syrupy, it's romantic, and there is a different. Of course, one must be careful with teh romantic, because the line between it and sickly sweet is thin. But it does exist.

Fine hidden message. Fine, simple, genuine. I don't love the acrostic format, my acrostic poem 'Late, December', posted earlier today, was a class assignment. But I hadn't been writing in awhile, and it was a good catalyst in its ridgidity. Most poems with clever, hidden messages make me cringe. This one didn't, and that's great.

My only suggestions: you use pale twice in the first stanza. Perhaps there's another synonym that would expel needless repetition. Also, last two lines are great but "since you've come into my world" possibly borders on cliche. It's the only thing. I like the idea, but perhaps you can give it more specific phrasing, like "since you walked through my door" or something. Saying the same, but in more exact imagistic language. In any case, 9/10. Oh, and sorry this is so long.

Pale is used twice in the 1st stanza. Keep the rose buds. Snow white /pale washes itself out.

The second stanza is just too generic. too many b,l,u,e
words ant too many possible end rhymes to take easy street. Do it again.

S-3 How to emotions swell? You used -unfurled- in the second line. swell or unfurl. pick one.
and your closers are too generic. Find an image that equates this. A horse with blinders on perhaps? A tunnel vision driver? Plenty to choose from.

The poem is not bad, just too much telling. The Blue eyes is particularly good.
If you like this poem, take it apart and rebuild it.

Still you're improving. An unlisted 7.

very emotional

As opposed to into Uranus?
I'm sorry but this is so ransacked with cliche,
and trite nonsense that it's practically a
zit cream commercial.

For instance:

"Rosebuds seem pale in your presence
even when wet with my tears"

Okay, what kind of fuck munch cries on a rose?
Do you normally walk into a garden and find a rose to water with your contrived tears of woe?

Your an ass.

"Emotions swell when you're near
yearning to be unfurled"

I love your language here.
Makes you sound like a black porn star
named Harry Homellete.

Renee Blue Eyes!! Dedication your love surely!!

Flowed pretty well towards the end but there was something wrong with the flow initially. Honestly, the 2nd line needs work.

Good work though, I love acrostics. I have many of my own. Hopefully I'd post them soon.

I meant to put "Dedication TO your love...". A typo!!

Any fuck that cries on a rose, and then tries to turn it into shit poetry should be SHOT.

this is so beautiful

if i were reneee, i would take you to bed right now, but since i am not, i just want to know what exactly it is about renee you like so much, why is she so beautiful?
i like the form a bit
5

Here is another 10.