Villanelle № 43830
hard as a rock
She fell on him like a Mayan maid,
With no regard for dignity;
And so, her inner self displayed.
Her mother, sisters, she betrayed
When she, her lust, set finally free:
She fell on him like a Mayan maid.
In the heat, their bodies swayed.
She sacrificed her sanctity
And so, her inner self displayed.
Other girls would be afraid
To partake in such debauchery:
She fell on him like a Mayan maid.
From her purpose, she had strayed,
As, his lunges, she did parry
And so, her inner self displayed.
The coupling finally made her crazed--
Crazed, and ultimately weary:
She fell on him like a Mayan maid
And so, her inner self displayed.
19 comments
do you mind sharing the spotlight? a little?
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Vilanelles are so restrictive, I doubt I could ever write even a bad one.
That being said, I do have a small complaint. In the final two stanzas, the second line in each breaks from the established rhythm. "Parry" and "weary" are both stressed on the penultimate syllable, whereas every other line in the poem is stressed on the final syllable. Read it aloud; you'll hear it.
Other than that, wonderful, wonderful.
i assure you, the meter stop was intentional. i like to put the breaks on, now and again. i know it fucks with the meter, but it also slows the poem down enough for it to end, tightly.
i have received a lot of criticism about my uneven meter; hell, i've had a lot of rejections with that comment. maybe someday i will decide that they were right and i was wrong. today is not that day.
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