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hard as a rock (Villanelle) by <~>

She fell on him like a Mayan maid, With no regard for dignity; And so, her inner self displayed. Her mother, sisters, she betrayed When she, her lust, set finally free: She fell on him like a Mayan maid. In the heat, their bodies swayed. She sacrificed her sanctity And so, her inner self displayed. Other girls would be afraid To partake in such debauchery: She fell on him like a Mayan maid. From her purpose, she had strayed, As, his lunges, she did parry And so, her inner self displayed. The coupling finally made her crazed-- Crazed, and ultimately weary: She fell on him like a Mayan maid And so, her inner self displayed.

JackCrawley 6-Apr-03/11:17 PM
Best vilanelle I've seen on this site to date. As in the greats--"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" being the example that leaps foremost to mind--you make the structure feel natural and sensible instead of painfully forced. That isn't easy to do.

That being said, I do have a small complaint. In the final two stanzas, the second line in each breaks from the established rhythm. "Parry" and "weary" are both stressed on the penultimate syllable, whereas every other line in the poem is stressed on the final syllable. Read it aloud; you'll hear it.

Other than that, wonderful, wonderful.




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