-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on The Rocketsâ Song by Dovina
5 Dec 2004, 12:14 PM
The tradegy of war... I sometimes wonder whether the real tradegy isn't war, but you, and you're appalling poemes :(
Is this about chair safety? It's brilliant.
Beautiful... what colour is hope?
Great use of "Nope" to rhyme with "kaleidoscope"!!11
Five misspelled words.
The last line is preachy and better omitted.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, you include an utterly random chorus at the end. Nice one!!!11
"not doubt"?
this Jon was the most dumbest poem ever
axsome man fav line..Ten-shun! Present arms!â
The judge opens the door and hopes,
âComing, Dear.â kool
could be a bit more intruging
this poem was a disater( jk ) very nice!
deep.....real deep
you fuckin idiot! i hate you! this is Davey Havok from AFI's work, how dare you steal this! take this down now. youve got some nerve trying to pass this off as your own
Economical, tight, well told story.
Are rockets are a phallic symbol in the title?
...for war is life to us,
-not deathâ(Is this death necessary?}.
Yep,war is romantic until it touches you with stray bit o' metal. -9- Ask Michael Moore for the extra point to make it a ten.
Did you mean "strick?"
How can she walk away if she's on skates?
Love the idea. Maybe a serious re-write in the future?
"damson" as a verb?
Some unusual and interesting language, "aped by girning monkeys," "cantering blurs," which needs a comma, I think.
"there tone" should be "their tones." Right?
The last verse lacks the punctuation of the first two.
Interesting!
sorry, I don't get it.