poemranker ::Corner Shop, 5 Quinton Road by Caducus

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Free verse № 116168

Corner Shop, 5 Quinton Road

Member since 2002 · Posted 6 Dec 2004 · Edited 25 Feb 2005 · 4 comments

Ravaged by age arced away from skies pavement slabs roll until grey becomes green. Beneath the metal flag she enters the shelter, contorting as she sits, aped by girning monkeys Who love their Grandma’s. Every Tuesday she waits, for the 9.12 to Quinton Road. To hear her name spoken kindly by David in the corner shop. Tesco’s is nearer and cheaper, full of cantering blurs beeps and name wearing do-gooder’s who lower there tone for the crippled, calling her ‘love’ if she’s lucky. As she enters the corner shop the old bell rings and heater rattles David holds the door softly speaking her name: ‘Hello Doris’. She crooks her neck to look him in the eyes, to greet him properly. Then her eyes damson at a sign on the wall ‘closing down sale’.

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mean 6.17 weighted 5.31 rank 3543 views 306 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

4 comments

[9] Dovina 6-Dec-04/9:16 AM Reply
"damson" as a verb?
Some unusual and interesting language, "aped by girning monkeys," "cantering blurs," which needs a comma, I think.
"there tone" should be "their tones." Right?
The last verse lacks the punctuation of the first two.
Interesting!
[n/a] Caducus 25-Feb-05/3:19 AM Reply
I'm such a bastard should i keep it open and add it to my woefully low 'happy' collection.
[9] INTRANSIT 25-Feb-05/6:41 AM Reply
Well, you sent me to the dictionary. 3 points. I'm okay with girning and cantering, damson is a reach. 2 points. The construction is overall solid. 2 points.
The puntuation is good,somethings fishy about the opening line. Maybe a bit run on. It's also visually well balanced. 2 points. It's definitely worth "finishing".
[8] wilco 25-Feb-05/8:25 PM Reply
Not your best by a long shot, but still pretty good.