| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Poems for devolution (Free verse) by richa I
We turn the clocks forward
for more light,
for the scottish farmers
not doubt. In the highlands,
red jowls chewing on gristle.
Their strange climate
they can keep.
II
A strange climate you have;
rain on a handful of heads
in spartan highlands,
we all get the forecast.
In those couple of minutes
we could have had Rhyl's.
Up the ladder:
Camping, Volume 3
Down the ladder:
Alone Together
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.4
Posted: November 2, 2004 5:24 AM PST; Last modified: November 17, 2004 3:15 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.286087 Overall Rank: 3734 Comments:
[6]
D. $ Fontera @ 204.98.2.23
|
2-Nov-04/7:11 AM
|
Reply
An intriguing poem at least. Nothing completely wonderful about it. *6*
Since I know this poem is supposed to mean something, and I don't know what it is, you get the 8 of ambiguity
Lol
I'll say something now that you've revised it to where an ordinary American thinks she understands. The arguement that turning clocks back in the fall for farmers in northern latitudes is hogwash. They don't work the fields during winter, so how does a time change help them? Arizona has the right plan - no plan at all. I think you could have said it tighter and with more impact by leaving out haggis and gristle.
I disagree. It's not necessarily for their farming, just that it would be ridiculously dark for them during a lot of the traditional workday, whatever they're doing. Living now in a mainly agriculutal sector (not to mention a desert which is only growable two or three months out of the year) I'd say they're probably still doing a lot.
Dropping haggis-eaters (or adding more) would make it better.
The poem is meant to be a portrait of a devolutionist rather than 'I' with my pet theory on why we should get rid of scotland.
As for the haggis bit. I don't really want to get rid of it (the poem is meant to descend into farce) but I may have to. I want there to be an underlying sense of petty hostility from the narrator.
It seems to me that whoever felched up this outburst knew he was descending into farce when he said "haggis-eaters". In a sense, his 'petty hostility' was really just tongue-in-cheek. Of course I didn't hear the guy in person; do you think he should be taken at face value?
It could be that the author is mocking the narrator or that the author is observing the narrator mocking another potential narrator. Either way there is someone who can not be taken at face value. Probably richa.
You've moved it to spring for the farmers and given us Rhyl in place of the former euphamism. I don't see the devolution as clearly now.
Devolution as in 'of government'. Scotland has its own parliament but still has an effect on england's way of life. I get the feeling the narrator would be quite glad to see the back of scotland altogether.
"not doubt"?
I was once told it was all to do with Dairy farmers, who work 365, although I never really made sense of the reasoning and I agree with Dovina, we would be better off leaving it as it is. Of course to confuse things they also do it in Greece, where there are no real northen climes, or at least not ones that aren't south of the southern climes of the UK and no English style dairy farms.
You got the lucky 7 from me for creativity in word choice; I noticed when reading the comments that you wished to convey the idea of the narrator being involved in petty conflict - well done... your message is nearly crystal clear, and would be if it was known (from the poem) that you are British, otherwise it just seems like the narrator is some average joe who has beef with scotland for, of all reasons, climate and topography.
good work peace, sean 328 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
