dancin_n_da_moonlite
on Possession by Acid_moose
29 Dec 2004, 10:51 PM
mediocre
umm, well, u made an effort, which is nice, but to be frank, ur poem isnt that good, sorry
better luck next time
-mega
I like this poem very much, your skills are getting better. I bless you with a -10-
You are a poet and I like your style, it says something and says it well.
great work - love the imagrey - perfect 10.0
I don't know why others voted that way... maybe they think they are so smart to realize how stupid they really are.. great one you have here.. 10...
haha.. delight.. 10
jump her men too... 10
wow - i love this
truly great work - one of the best ive seen
like the rhyme scheme
- i give it a 10 -
~mega
beautifully composed
i love the imagrey in your work
Love stanza two.
Nice one!! Hope you ain't a real one!!
BUTLERS**** You are referring to many butlers not just one. Hence no apostrophes!!
Very nice poem!! Why don't you put it under ODE???
The sentence that begins "It's the escape I get..." is not grammatical. You have to take out the "and" to make it right.
"groomed" and "trained" in the second stanza seem weird. At least, it doesn't seem obvious that she trained you to groom yourself.
Also, by the time you get to "it took her years to teach", you've too many adjective clauses.
It was really pretty good up to that point. Then it gets heavy-handed at the "spiritual emptiness" part. People blather on about showing or telling or whatever, but what they're really getting at a lot of the time is that it's just not likely your narrator is so self-aware. So instead he burns the dinner or forgets her name or something, to show how he's like subconsciously spiritually empty (or whatever). It would work a lot better than that whole third stanza.
Actually, I'd like it better ended after the second bit. Or I could think it was really good, changed only very slightly.
Out of curiosity: Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Talking about charlie?
Why not call it Arostic?
We call such events "Acts of God" realizing that if a similar quake shook the ocean just 100 miles off the California coast as it did off the Asian coast, that we would have had about five minutes warning, and as many of us probably would have died.
Pleasant dreams, and respectful prayers.