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Road Tripped (Free verse) by Blindpoetry
Pain couldn't be the cause of this Your the pedaphile Pain shouldn't be blamed for this I have a smile What this is Is just a fase What this is Is just a angsty fase You walk all along And never find loose change You walk forever And always find loose receits Turn in my body So I can go to sleep Turn in this body So I can find a deep deep Pillow Find your way through The tunneling gates Find a way through The surrounding gates Walk and walk alone Down the streets of Hay hay ven And be eaten today This is what you Deserve for every Things can't be pronounced But can be broken My heart and yours We were like chinese checkers Your going to jump my men And find another...

Up the ladder: levity kiss
Down the ladder: Lachrymose

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.0596013
Overall Rank: 6784
Posted: December 28, 2004 7:11 PM PST; Last modified: December 28, 2004 7:11 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Bhaskaryya @ 61.3.137.25 | 28-Dec-04/10:20 PM | Reply
"Your going to jump my men"

Ain't it supposed to be YOU ARE??
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.11.192.79 > Bhaskaryya | 28-Dec-04/10:25 PM | Reply
Small, detailed grammar isn't important to me.

You read it the same.
Who cares.
[9] Bhaskaryya @ 61.3.137.25 > Blindpoetry | 28-Dec-04/10:31 PM | Reply
But it's important to poetry. They mean different things.

Spelling PHASE as FASE is acceptable and infact quite fine. That much of liberation is fine but YOUR and YOU ARE means two different things and can never be used as substitutes.

Could you please read my latest poem too? It's another acrostic.
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.11.192.79 > Bhaskaryya | 28-Dec-04/10:33 PM | Reply
in pimple, I'm sure almost everything bad is allowed. Think of this as a pimple, then.

And i already read it.
[9] Bhaskaryya @ 61.3.137.25 > Blindpoetry | 28-Dec-04/10:37 PM | Reply
DO I THEN DESERVE A COMMENT?
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.11.192.79 > Bhaskaryya | 28-Dec-04/10:38 PM | Reply
Do I then deserve a vote?
[9] Bhaskaryya @ 61.3.137.25 | 28-Dec-04/10:41 PM | Reply
There you are!!

Personally I don't bother much about votes. I appreciate comments more because it helps me know what exactly one thinks of my poem and it helps me improve.

A 9 from me.
[10] Lifeboatman @ 203.104.94.2 | 29-Dec-04/7:06 PM | Reply
jump her men too... 10
277 view(s)




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