poemranker ::Reflection by Judas kiss

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 75160

Reflection

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Nov 2003 · Edited 15 Nov 2003 · 12 comments

On a straight mirror you stretch the glass Creating a doppelganger as the reflection. You ignore the almond eyes that house my soul And the lips which lift my down when we kiss. Why does beauty not know itself? When it’s a deliberate stranger to me. I have watched so many sunsets, To know that words are limited Beauty is beyond expression, Yet to me you define in a single kiss The inexpressible. I love the way you love the world. From the morning lark to the sun drenched clouds. I just wish you could love yourself As I have always loved you.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.50 weighted 5.06 rank 6694 views 181 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

12 comments

[7] richa 14-Nov-03/11:29 AM Reply
don't think you need doppelganger and reflection.

'Love yourself' at the best is a cliche, at worse a distraction.

v1 fourth line doesn't make much sense.

'On a straight mirror you stretch the glass' is an interesting line I quite like.
[7] Shuushin 15-Nov-03/12:29 AM Reply
i no comprenday "lips which life my down"
I like how you say "you define in a single kiss
The inexpressible"

De-lark the last three lines, and remove the word love once and the whole thing will be better for it.

-7- prolly a good deal higher without the first crit.
[n/a] Judas kiss › Shuushin 15-Nov-03/1:18 AM Reply
should ben lift not life so thanks for noticing
[7] Shuushin › Judas kiss 15-Nov-03/10:51 AM Reply
glad for the fix - but is it right now as stands?

"...lips which lift my down when we kiss." ? As in the down of a goose?
[n/a] Bachus › Shuushin 16-Nov-03/1:42 AM Reply
I wrote you a poem tonight.
[7] Shuushin › Bachus 16-Nov-03/5:29 AM Reply
You did?? That is *so* sweet! No one has ever done that for me before, well - except for you and Mr. Angel.

I can't wait to read it - *you*, my dear friend - are *such* a love.
[n/a] savagelymakeitcount 15-Nov-03/1:06 AM Reply
Nice. Sad.
I love the last verse. What is a doppelganger?
[7] Shuushin › savagelymakeitcount 15-Nov-03/1:14 AM Reply
A ghostly double of a living person, especially one that haunts its fleshly counterpart.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=doppelganger
[n/a] Shardik › Shuushin 15-Nov-03/2:05 AM Reply
Your definition is weak. You need a dictionary specifically designed to define monsters, not that one you're using.
[7] Shuushin › Shuushin 15-Nov-03/7:28 AM Reply
I think what he means that there are more definitions, let me help with *actually providing information*:

Meaning "double walker" a doppelganger is a shadow-self that accompanies every human. Only the owner of a doppelganger can see it, otherwise it is invisible to human eyes. Dogs and cats have been known to see doppelgangers. Providing sympathetic company, a doppelganger almost always stands behind a person, and they cast no reflection in a mirror. They are prepared to listen and give advice to humans, either implanting ideas in their heads, or a sort of osmosis. It is said to be bad luck if it is seen, and rarely a doppelganger will make itself visible to friends or family, often causing great confusion. Doppelgangers can be mischievous and malicious.

or

the literal german translation is "double goer"

or

As used in various role playing games - like DUNGEONS and DRAGONS (tm) - is that better, dik?
[7] Shuushin › Shuushin 15-Nov-03/7:36 AM Reply
Special Abilities: Detect Thoughts (Su): A doppelganger can continuously detect thoughts as the spell cast by an 18th-level sorcerer (save DC 13). It can suppress or resume this ability as a free action. If it can read an opponent's mind, a doppelganger gets a +4 circumstance bonus to Bluff and Disguise checks

Special Qualities: Alter Self (Su): A doppelganger can assume the shape of any Small or Medium-size humanoid. This works like alter self as cast by an 18th-level sorcerer, but the doppelganger can remain in the chosen form indefinitely. It can assume a new form or return to its own as a standard action. While using alter self, a doppelganger gets a +10 circumstance bonus to Disguise checks.

Immunities (Ex): Doppelgangers are immune to sleep and charm effects.

or

I recommend:

The Complete Guide to Dopplegangers

"The Complete Guide to Doppelgangers is a stand-alone, world-neutral sourcebook covering everything you ever wanted to know about doppelgangers. As a GM, you'll learn how to run doppelgangers -- both in combat and role-playing situations. And since every Complete Guide includes guidelines on playing the monster as a character race, players have new options, too. The Complete Guide to Doppelgangers features:
The true origin of these bizarre creatures.
Background on doppelganger social structure, including their various life stages and details on how they have penetrated human and demi-human society.
Unique campaign ideas and adventure hooks centered around doppelgangers.
New monster stats for intriguing variations on the standard doppelganger. "


[n/a] Shardik 15-Nov-03/1:56 AM Reply
typo in first stanza.